EN ESPANOL AQUI: Amargura
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Like the libido – the sexual liquid that Dr. Freud had recognized, but no laboratory had ever been able to isolate – vitriol is distilled by the organisms of human beings who are in a state of fear. Most of the people affected identify its taste, which is neither sweet nor salty, but bitter. That’s why depressions are intrinsically associated to the word Bitterness.
All beings have Bitterness in their organism – to a greater or lesser degree – in the same way that almost all of us have the tuberculosis bacillus. However, these two diseases only attack when the patient is debilitated; in the case of Bitterness, the terrain for the disease to arise appears when we are afraid of the so-called “reality”.
Certain people, in their anxiety to build a world where no outside threat could penetrate, increase exaggeratedly their defenses against the outside – strangers, new places, different experiences – and leave the inside unprotected. It is then that Bitterness begins to cause irreversible harm.
The main target of Bitterness (or Vitriol, as the doctor of my book preferred) is desire. People attacked by this evil begin losing their desire for everything and in a few years are unable to go outside their world – because they have used up enormous energy reserves building high walls for the reality to be what they wanted it to be.
When avoiding outside attack, they also limit internal growth. They continue going to work, watching television, complaining about the traffic and having children, but all that happens automatically, without really understanding why they are behaving like that – after all, everything is under control.
The great problem of poisoning by Bitterness lies in the fact that passions – hate, love, despair, enthusiasm and curiosity – also don’t appear any more. After some time, the bitter person has no more desire. They had no more will even to live, or to die; that was the problem.
For that reason, for bitter people, heroes and madmen are always fascinating: they are not afraid to live or die. Both heroes and madmen are indifferent in the face of danger and go on ahead in spite of everyone saying not to do so. The madman commits suicide, the hero offers himself up to martyrdom for a cause – but both die, and bitter people spend many nights and days talking about the absurdness and glory of the two types. That is the only moment when the bitter person has the strength to reach the top of his defensive wall and look outside a little; but soon his hands and feet tire and he returns to daily life.
The chronically bitter person only notices his disease once a week: on Sunday afternoons.
Then, as he has no work or routine to relieve the symptoms, he realizes that something is very wrong.
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So, how does one cure oneself of bitterness?
good question lavanya, hope paulo or someone answers it !
love
aditya
chocolate and cigarettes seem to help…..
dark chocolate… and a little bit of “madness”
… a little madness is a joy forever
1) Dreaming
2) Fighting for those dreams to come true.
Love
Olta
to come out – go bravely through.
all feelings are sacred, because all feelings will guide us to precious insights – finally.
feel feelings completely – because they are.
then – after this – it´s possible to realize the context between thoughts and feelings – and to change thought-patterns. to write and read your diary can help with that.
“In order to find one´s place in the infinity of being, one must be able both to separate and to unite.” I Ching, Richard Wilhelm
Hi! My first time replying here!
The only way to cure ourselves of bitterness is to allow ourselves to feel all we feel. For example, if you feel bitter, don’t be ashamed, don’t ignore it or push it away, feel it, stay with it and then (most importantly) let it go. I usually try to put a time limit on these ‘socially non acceptable’ feelings. I will say to myself, i feel bitter, i hate feeling bitter but i am human and i will allow myself to feel bitter until tomorrow morning! :)
*LISA*
For myself, the only thing that works is forgiveness.
This is nothing to do with bitterness,although I have something to say about it…
Since I was hopping to get my answer which I have waited for that for a long time, I’m going to ask it here.
I am looking for a teacher. I have sent you an email in details to the question and answer website. I highly appreciate it if you take a look at it and help me to find my teacher.
Thanks,
Sahar.
what do you want to be tought?
how soes a student know what s/he ought to be taught, that teacher will decide no? after having a good look at the student !
and looking at your cure for vitrol, i guess let me add chocolate to my list of vices, then graduate to dark chocolate may be !!
love
aditya
nope, not right, the student has to know what she or he wants to learn. Thats what it’s like in our world, Masters of the trade just slave along serving those on a quest for knowledge:) really!
in regard to the chocolate: the intensity of the chocolate is less important than the place where it is absorbed, chocolate at a busstop is very ineffective, chocolate with a soft blanket on the couch combined with a sweet movie on the contrary can add the sweet to the bitter and make it all quite bearable again.
Know thyself…
You can learn from everyone you meet on your path…
Some will teach you about kindness others will teach about deceit.
Life is an ongoing lesson…
“..you have to be your own teacher and your own disciple, and there is no teacher outside, no saviour, no master; you yourself have to change, and therefore you have to learn to observe, to know yourself. This learning about yourself is a fascinating and joyous business…” Krishamurti
Another cure for bitterness is finding the point called “Sea of Tranquility” –On the center of the breastbone, three thumb widths up from the base of the bone — gently push or just tap it with your middle finger..you will find this point and recognize it immediately for so much pain is stored in this point…just the slightest touch will show you…and this pain will be pushing back…be gentle… be loving… be forgiving…
With loving kindness,
Satora
Practising First Aid ! i like that. TLC
Lying awake in the early morning it would be so easy to pull the quilt over my head and stay there, warm, safe and womb-like. But a feeling ripples through me, a knowing that even when I am up I am still hiding under a quilt of sadness.
Why?
A small voice answers me from beneath that quilt of sadness, a very human voice, “Because no matter what I do or don’t do in this life I will still die. My soul, whom I love, and I will come to an end on our path together and there is nothing I can do about that. Love always ends in separation.”
And my soul stepped forward and embraced the source of that voice, “I caused you to be, and you will always live on through me. Every thing that you are, that you do, that you feel becomes a part of me. Honour your love, let go of your quilt of sorrow, for I do not wish to remember you this way. The worst form of death is that which you experience while you still live. One day of ecstacy is worth a life time of emptiness.”
Rebecca
That’s beautiful Rebecca, I love that image of the the quilt of sadness, hiding under a quilt of sadness. How many wake up from their dreams only to go through their day covered by that quilt, only able to throw off that quilt at night, when they travel to distant lands, universes. Like a child who never lets go of his blanket. Thank-you!
hello,
i like the way you write but i kind of disagree. Living can be painful but death? What do we know of it anyway? Maybe bitterness is knowing that what YOU could be in potential, whou YOU are in essence will never fit into the body and mind you are given. Maybe you are more than the sum of totals and maybe that means that it doesn’t matter to let go. … but perhaps this is what you mean too?
Rebecca, that was just beautiful.
“Honour your love, let go of your quilt of sorrow, for I do not wish to remember you this way. The worst form of death is that which you experience while you still live. One day of ecstacy is worth a life time of emptiness.” I hope you do get out from under that quilt and feel better soon.
This book show me. That life is something you just can’t let it pass by…..
among all the books writing by Paulo ,I love the “Verinaca decided to die” most ,each chapt is full of philosophy .speak of ritual ,it’s easier to fail our life into ritual,in my ideas .if we can find the happiess in the ritual life alike find the flower in the grass ?when the changing come to challenge us ,can we welcome the changing in our life or at least won’t feel annoyed with it ?are we mouning at our ritual life oftenly ?
if we can welcome change take it as the usual face of live ,if we can enjoying our ritual life instead of complaning ,I do think that’s not so important to talk about Hero or not .
seeing through our own face ,it ‘s our mission of life !
One of my favourite opening lines from a book…
“It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love.” – Love in the time of cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
Perhaps this bitterness is a large part of the reason many opt for the sweet taste of the so called “rebound” relationship?
I love that book very much although I think that charactor is really a little mad !
Daniel,
This is one of my favorite books by Garcia Marquez…..his narrative is wonderful as he is able to transport the reader to the book….Thanks for the reminder.
Monica
Jessica, remember Castaneda, “the life is only for the people who fight”.
Love,
Eugenia
Isn’t it just amazing the way intuition, gives us the right answers when we can’t know? hehehehehe
You know what I was thinking about right now? I was thinking about the place where we feel the most our feelings. It is the place in the middle of our chest, the place where is believed to lie our soul, Between the lungs and the bones.
It is there where we feel every passion or this bitterness that you talk about Paulo.
I believe and I know that there is the strongest point through which you can feel and touch the soul.
After I’ve discovered it no is much more easier for me to control my self and my thoughts. It helps to be more conscious on what you really feel or what you think you feel. It helps.
That feeling of bitterness brings with it a feeling of emptiness, which is very dangerous, but when you become conscious of it you become conscious of the fact that it must be filled up. At this point it is needed a fight to come out. :)) You have talked about the importance of having dreams and following them…
It seems that people who feel this little mixture, and aloud it to become part of their daily life become blind more and more. They loose the capacity to believe in happiness, which is sad because those who struggle to find real happiness walk through the path of virtue, and became virtuous people.
I believe that the seeking of happiness starts with the peace you find inside and feel in your soul.
To shine you need to be light yourself, and have light in you.
So beware from the Vitrol, it is much more dangerous than we might believe!
Love
Olta
thankyou thankyou!
Thanks to you! ;)
Love
Olta
Yes Olta..to be light! This topic, vitriol, reminds me of being ruled by fate, rather than making choices.
And still, there is hope to turn bitter, into making a better life. I can remember now that there are people who hate to be reminded that joy exists!!
Thank you, and Love, Jane xo
so… my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex… apparantly its been going on for months, i didnt realise… i dont think that way… i got the call from her, informing me… i died inside… didnt see the signs nor the symptoms, blinded by love… i have all the right to be bitter, to shun love… but being bitter killed me, didnt do me any good, so i came into a space of acceptance. and i feel much better for it… bitter or better, i chose better, because the bitter i felt towards another person, didnt make life better for me… the opposite of bitter is acceptance, and there is freedom in acceptance, if you cant do it for him/her, do it for yourself… you can only help yourself…
C’est la fameuse question : faut il mourir vivant ou vivre en étant mort ? La réponse est évidemment rester le maximum vivant jusqu’au jour de sa mort. Et pas seulement les fous et les héros.
bonne semaine
I have no problems with sunday afternoons, but nevertheless I sometimes have acute bitterness-attacks. What do you do to come out of an acute bitterness-attack?
Things that work for me: love, joy, meditation sessions(in my case at Sahaja Yoga), walking and enjoying Mother Earth’s beauty, good books (I’ve recently discovered the wonderful advice given by the Abraham civilization written by Esther and Jerry Hicks, quality time spent with people who appreciate you, whether they are your family members or friends on the Net. All that has the power to make you feel alive, loving, joyful, generous, enthusiastic, optimist, simple but very efficient solutions for everyday life.
Sometimes everything seems so easy, sometimes less easy but there is always hope for the better. Without hope and love, bitterness appears especially on Sunday afternoons when there is so much peace in the city (pleasant peace which I appreciate and seek so much). Sometimes life has the a bitter taste but it’s o.k, it’s an experience to help us appreciate the sweet moments compared to bitter moments but I guess it’s something very wrong when there is more bitterness than anything else left. As far as I’m concerned I prefer sweets! ;o)
Lots of love,
Carmen Larisa
P.S. Dear Monika, I do hope you’ll find something out of my words to help you. I believe I understand what you mean, but please, try always to stay focused on the sweet side of life. Your heart deserves to be fulfilled! Many hugs!
Dear Carmen Larisa,
thank you for your kind words. Yes, walking in nature, meditation and talking to friends works well. I think my problem is that I don’t ever have the patience to accept certain limitations and pain arising from a former illness. I know I can be very happy to be alive, but nevertheless I suffer ever again from the results.
lol Monika
LOVE to you Monika xoxoox
Yes, can understand living with pain and limitations as well as at the same time, being grateful for being alive.
I feel physical pain in one leg every day (nerve damage, a side-effect from surgery to repair a broken spine). It really hurts a lot. And like you, seem to need being in nature every day. Sometimes, need to improvise to perform tasks. Ease into the day. Learned more about being patient and compassionate toward myself, focus on what I can do, try to get better at those things. So life is not over, thankfully : )
In my case, more surgery is recommended after seeking out two separate opinions (spinal cord stimulator implant).
Thinking of you, Love, Jane
An afterthought lol!
Sometimes I need to change my perspective, and just like that, feel better mentally.
For example, have had more time to read, fully enjoy this experience…and can comment here in this Blog. And there are tidbits too, comments that friends make in Facebook – their poems too. And last year introduced to Rumi’s poetry and more of Paulo’s books. Then another door opened to exploring Hildegarde Von Bingen’s works. Well, these gifts are inspiring, wonderful, and accept as a blessing!
Used to wonder why god made me so Tiggerish about life, but is sure coming in handy now.
More Love, Jane : )
Dear Jane and Monika, reading your comments about health and bitterness, I just would like to tell you that today it is my Mother’s birthday. She is 92 years old. Since she was 48 years old she has rheumatoid arthritis and she cannot do almost anything. She loves music, she watches television, she reads the news-paper everyday and any book that falls into her hands. She is in pain but she always has something good to say about other people. She never thinks that she is miserable! Today she told me how lucky she feels to have us, her family around her and caring for her. Even whenever she was in great pains she used to sing a Greek song: I am O.K. Life, even if I am in tears!!!!
God bless her and bless you all.
LOVE,
Thelma xxx
Dear Paulo and all,
I don’t know what to call madness or heroes but I would say, all answers to human problem can be solved through love.
The ways of implementation varies.
However, here is one poem for you all.
*****************
Sweet beloved
*****************
Oh dear soul,
Why do you worry?
Your heart
Is flooded with love
You need
A beautiful vessel
To preserve
Come on,
Hold on and don’t grieve
Your heart
Is filled with cosmic
Energy
You are floating around
This breeze!
Of love, of your sweet beloved
****************************
God bless you all !
oh thanks Santosh, this is very nice!!!
Monica
Monica,
Thank you too!
God bless you !
Thank you Santosh. A very sweet poem.
There are so many people in the world who for one reason or another never find love in their lives. Let us remember them in our prayers for as Paulo mentions in his post, if bitterness sets in, it can destroy us.
Theresa,
Thank you so much appreciated !
God bless you too !
WOW Santosh, beautiful poetry. Thank you and Love to you xo
yeah, santosh!
great poem :o)
no bitterness at all.
and no unhappy love :o) ….
I like the rhythm of it….
it pulls out bitterness.
I think we get spoiled here on this blog,
with all the good comments & poems & ideas & …
thanks
-k
i like your words verry much!
Dear Paolo,
Up to a few years I have been a very bitter person, just like You discribe in the column. I can assure You thats not a pleasant life, slowly I lost contact with reality and since I didn’t invest in relations I lost them. I discovered that a blockade in my back-spine was the energy-leak causing this bitterness. Now a paramedic has replaced the vertebra and I feel like eighteen years of age. Started with meditation and sports to keep mind and body fit. What I want to make clear is that bitter people don’t need to be lost. I hope many of them keep seeking for the way out of their own build jail.
With love,
Rik
sadly i have to say that i have these simptoms, bitterness. Please Mr. Coelho talk to me. mail me or something. from very happy person i suffer by oposite. my used to be happiness and knowing how happy could i be even amplyfies bitterness. yesterday You’ve wrote ‘if u brave to say goodbye, a new hello would apear’. i’ve said goodbye early this week. when i’ve said goodbye than my so called girlfriend wants me and than i’ve rejected her. then i feel miserable and taste the very essence of bitterness. one day so happy, very next day …misery, agony and apathy as breakfrst, lunch and dinner.
Thank you, Paulo. That’s helpful and very interesting to read!
I think I want to be the hero – but without dieing
wrong desire dear kealan.
u may become a hero if u pursue something with all your might, a music, a writing, a community service, a this or a that, but this desire to become a hero is sledom fulfilled, hero is one who shows the world, people around him, a way of life and living which everyone desires but few dare pursue !
as annie says – what can u do about dieing, at best u can expedite it, which does not seem to be a good idea, in this world gone mad with idea of expediting, there is at least one thing few sane people will like to expedite, dieing. as annie says, why bother about dieing, cross the bridge when it comes. in the meantime, give it a shot, to be a hero.
love
aditya
me too:)
I lived a life in the past full of bitterness and resentments, not only that, lack of living. When I read Veronika Decides to Die, once again I felt in some way part of what is was reflecting.
Now I am happy to say, Life will never be full of Happiness, but why to have it full when you can continue praying for every single minute of your life to live and experience what you have been missing for so long.
I could be happier, but I am happy. I thank for all that I have had and presently have that some other people havent had the grace. There are many people out there needing us, to release a bit or a lot of that bitterness.
No place for bitterness today, the awaited ordered book arrived…”The Valkyries”…oh, finally I have it. Happy mood!
YAY Alexandra! I read this book last year and was amazed. Love to you, Jane : )
Hi,
This is kind of unrelated to the topic. But I just found out about the blog and I thought I might as well write..
I constantly keep yearning for something more. It’s like I always this feeling that there is a big secret life is keeping or that I was mean to do something more magical..
I obviously not very articulate and I probably sound crazy and I do not know if anyone else feels the same…
But where are the spiritual guides (in the Witch of Portobello or Brida or the Alchemist everyone found a guide)? or the omens(every culture has a different set of omens which ones do you follow)
I have only been on this blog a couple of weeks and already I could see that the folks here are inspired by the words of Paulo.
I too feel that so many of the thoughts expressed on the blog ring so true. The problem is to try and do something about the negative energy that befalls us all, and enlighten ourselves to the passion of these words.
Thank you. and i guess i call it Ego. and in the mean time loosing the Ego it took away the passion also. Well passion for more earthly things.. and writing this down, i see how stupid it is..
I realize this. Can not always in life put yourselve first, can you? yes you can. i am not bitter. I am just missing..
and i realize it is (again) not to find in another but in myself. i did not read Veronika’s decided to die.. i will.
have a nice day filled with Passion.
I will.
Feel really sorry if anybody has such feelings!
i wish to have good spirit inside! pray to God! find new people to communicate!
Monday morning, routine yet again, preparing for breakfast for my two boys (1 and 3,5 years). Oldest offers me his ball to play. When I accept, he looks at me with unbelief and says ‘but you are not a boy. You are a man’. I said ‘thats not true. I’m a boy and I will play!’. It was difficult not to cry. Paulo: there is my work that I adore, my boys who I deeply love etc etc – got it all. But I cannot fully avoid the vitriol, the bitterness, the emergence of walls, the demon in disguise that tells me I should merely be happy with what I got. And quite frankly, I sometimes feel I’m losing the battle…
With all due respect, I know ‘vitriol’ is an iron sulfate, a chemical that is important in the body, that has its function in the metabolism. However, your theory of how detrimental it is to the body has not been proved; it is interesting how you based your theory on the libido analogy, nevertheless, no empirical work has been done. Having said that, I think your theory on the vitriol is very interesting.
Monday morning
i look at my kindom, take a good look around, it doesn’t take long, it ain’t big and it certainly ain’t overpopulated. This is where i rule. A bitter sweet longing fills my lungs along with the first gouloise this morning. i think of the woman in my life, the woman i love and who are my soul sisters, they won’t feel much different to me on a grey february morning. Getting ready to face the day.
In the weekend i visited my friend on the Isabellalei in Antwerp. In the afternoon i went for a walk on my own and sat on a bench to watch the neighbourhood. I watched Jews with fur hat’s and keppies, Jews with high hats and woman with wigs. Everybody dressed in black, the men ageless due to the beards. So closed this community is that my friend knows no one by name. ‘They don’t talk to us, they want nothing with us,’ she said earlier. i smile at them and they look through me, not greeting back. Then i return to the appartment and sit next to her, we hold hands and i feel as if in a cold wild stream she is one of the rocks i can hold on to and rest for a while. We smile. Then i ask her, ‘why not move in together? Let’s sell your place and mine, let’s do it together!’ Later she walks me to the station. We walk hand in hand and i feel comforted and loved. One very tall woman and one very small woman walking the streets of Antwerp.
‘No woman is an island,’ i think later on, and watch ‘about a boy’ on tv.
Maybe we will. Maybe it is a silly idea to wait for some man to fulfill all our dreams. Last night i thought of how it would, it could be like. She could have her cat, i could cook, our kingdoms would not be uninhabited any longer. There would be another grumpy face greeting monday mornings. There would be tea beside the coffie, there would be someone elses socks lingering about.
Interesting…You are longing for true love, and you have love to share.
I have felt that bitterness,which was not just a feeling but a true taste in mouth, and also in eyes overshadowing everything that I saw … when you understand that the bitterness exists, you move to lose it, you lose bitterness, and pain and joy take its place,…. the joy is wonderful, but the pain awful,excruciating… still I don`t know whether it deserved the effort or not, to see all your world drops down when you break that bitterness, and others go apparnetly forward, but you go back, to a groove, except for that wonderful moments of enlightenment and truth and happiness,….
thanks for this wonderful topic
Thanks Mr.coelho. helpful as usual. sometimes during my deepest sorrows, I wish I could pick up the phone and call and talk to you. I’m a physician myself and your words are the best medicine for soul. God bless you.
Thank you for your words sir!
I like the conversations you spawn. Today I am not too bitter. Today I love. Today I will live. Tomorrow is another story, but today I will love, today I will live!
I like how Anders described his failed relationship. Around 19:28 on the 21st of Feb, he said he was willing to fight for love.
I like that idea. I thought I was being hardheaded. I thought I was unable to accept things as they were. No! I’m a fighter. This girl is worth it!
GAME ON!!
Thank you Paulo, thank you Anders
I hope bitterness is only a short period…But you are right, I saw people thinking they live a safe life, but they never happy, they scron others, they”bitter”, nothing make them smile …
But they think they shoud be happier in other circumstances, though is not that way, they avoid action for desire is not strong enough.
Wish everybody a life without bitterness.
Oh Alexandra…almost screaming here with delight!
“they live a safe life, but they never happy, they scron others, they”bitter”, nothing make them smile …”
Yes, I noticed too…nothing makes them smile.
(can’t wait to talk with you about Valkyries too)
Thank you Alexandra!!!!!!!! Love, Jane : )
this is amazing because I have been wondering why there is no “desire” left within me and I have been trying to figure out how to recreatate it so I can live again….with passion. right now that is my desire but it is so weak that it fills me with disgust because I know how incredible life can be….yes thank you for the insight and what perfect timing!
Hello,
I like the concept. Well this is the problem, where is the solution??????????????
Veronica decide morir is my favorite, because my job weekends doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, because is when i am very busy, My sunday night could be on the middle of the week when I am off, and the kids are in school, then i start feeling my Sunday suddenly my life doesn’t makes any sense, I am a good mom, and good worker, and I though I was a good wife, but it is not enough, I am not good enough he left and there is not any medicine that can relief my pain, there is not a therapy to convince me that I am worth it, I try my best every day, and most of the times I convince others, and almost convince my self, but when i am on my own i do not want to pretend, i just want to sleep, sleep until I feel no pain, but I just wake up every day to my worst nightmare, I am herewhere there is nothing, absolutely nothing
The wind maybe blow my pain away for a short of time
just to discover that I am still enteraly here, without past without future, just this present which i do not want to live… Nothing could be the definition of my life
empty, totally empty without you
Veronica decide morir is my favorite, because my job weekends doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, because is when i am very busy, My sunday night could be on the middle of the week when I am off, and the kids are in school, then i start feeling my Sunday suddenly my life doesn’t makes any sense, I am a good mom, and good worker, and I though I was a good wife, but it is not enough, I am not good enough he left and there is not any medicine that can relief my pain, there is not a therapy to convince me that I am worth it, I try my best every day, and most of the times I convince others, and almost convince my self, but when i am on my own i do not want to pretend, i just want to sleep, sleep until I feel no pain, but I just wake up every day to my worst nightmare, I am herewhere there is nothing, absolutely nothing
The wind maybe blow my pain away for a short of time
just to discover that I am still enteraly here, without past without future, just this present which i do not want to live… Nothing could be the definition of my life
empty, totally empty without you
I g
Vitrol or bitterness ? everyone has it has paulo said. the idea is to continue living with joy and enthusiasm, even for small things, despite bitterness.
desire neither to live nor to die – this is precisisely what nirvana, the ultimate liberation from cycle of life and death is supposed to be, so what we are treating as bitterness, may become the source of enlightnement, if we look at it correctly, in fact no great human endeavour has began without someone feeling bitter about something.
on sunday afternoons and at other times when we have ‘nothing to do’, why should we feel bitter, such monets are excellant to pay attention to small things in life, just to laze around, be with oneself.
ultimately its’ all a matter of perspective – what is is less important than how we take what is.
there have been people who have spent tehir entire life within a radius of 10 KMs, whole of zen is focused on this concept of sitting and observing, what JK used to call choiceless awareness.
ultimately, it’s all about what we make of our life, if we are living our lives meaningfully, we will not get too poisoned by vitrol.
loss of desires is not such a sad thing, if u can see it correctly !!
love
aditya
Vitrol or bitterness ? everyone has it has paulo said. the idea is to continue living with joy and enthusiasm, even for small things, despite bitterness.
desire neither to live nor to die – this is precisisely what nirvana, the ultimate liberation from cycle of life and death is supposed to be, so what we are treating as bitterness, may become the source of enlightnement, if we look at it correctly, in fact no great human endeavour has began without someone feeling bitter about something.
on sunday afternoons and at other times when we have ‘nothing to do’, why should we feel bitter, such monets are excellant to pay attention to small things in life, just to laze around, be with oneself.
ultimately its’ all a matter of perspective – what is is less important than how we take what is.
there have been people who have spent tehir entire life within a radius of 10 KMs, whole of zen is focused on this concept of sitting and observing, what JK used to call choiceless awareness.
ultimately, it’s all about what we make of our life, if we are living our lives meaningfully, we will not get too poisoned by vitrol.
loss of sesires is not such a sad thing, if u can see it correctly !!
love
aditya
Dear Warriors of Light, if I can recall right Veronika falls in love with Eduard at the end of the book. She re-discovers the importance of love. Yes, here I go again, with the importance of love. It seems every day I find more and more evidence about the importance of love. For instance yesterday I went to the retreat I was commenting on and the topic, like I previously said, was forgiveness. However, I was thinking throughout the day and during the retreat, that if people can love there is automatic forgiveness because we no longer feel “hatred or bitterness” towards people.
Jesus said that the two most important commandments were to love God over anything else and our neightbour like ourselves, but how can we love our neightbour if we don’t start loving ourselves. So forgiveness, healing, and love all go hand in hand.
And Love is indeed the most wonderful thing in the world…..
Love
Monica
monica you are very true. love is the ultimate ointment to all the wounds , for loving you need to love yourself first , for loving yourself you need to forgive yourself …..but here lies the problem …..its not easy forgiving your own self….it needs a lot of practice in doing so….what i find during those hours of crisis ie when we feel bitter/down/sad/agonized its a chain reaction …..ones mood continuously flows in the direction of negativity ….for some people they are able to break this chain in very early stages …some are able to replace it with positive thoughts or by deviating the thought process to some positive work like by doing something that gives you happiness… some people are highly neurotic are unable to come out once fall into such situations remain plunged and reach to very high degree of bitterness….and there is a very rare lot (in paulos words “the Buddhist Monks” ) who do not even allow this bitterness to conceive in them. Regarding living in present is also a tough job specially for people who have golden past but there present is not good / is tragic ….but that’s what we call “is life” …. overall my knowledge says every individual has his own Bitterness & has to formulate his own ways of living / combating with …..but thanks to you all for sharing your experiences and ways of coping with bitterness …..thanks a lot Paulo your books have been “eye opener” for me n the best part is got each n every of your books when i needed the most ie on right time ….Paulo you and your books have been God sent ANGEL to me…..(thats why i strongly believe in God )…… i am glad that despite of the bitterness / agonies / tragedies / sorrows / disappointments in this world there are people like Paulo the secret messengers sent by God to balance them with joy / happiness/ love /prosperity……love you all….may God bless……
Bitterness: deep disappointment. Having valued or loved someone, something that you put your heart into and nothing came of it.
I knew a woman whose husband was in the hospital with asbestos in his lungs, with five little kids,she got a job washing floors, she kept her children close to her, fed and clothed and protected. She lived totally for them.Later one of them got a job, she got a break. The children were bright, grew up and married well, went to college and became leaders and she had every right to be bitter all her life but she had this unbelievable source of courage and goodness and she is one of my heroes.
WOW James, thank you for sharing this story.
Love, Jane xo
bitter people hate to be reminded that joy exists…:)
Yes, I remember this gem and it makes me smile too : )
So what if we do suffer this symptom this Sunday afrernoon…what would that mean…?
Aaahhh…:)Dear sir…once more you provoked tons of thoughts in my head, and not necessarily pleasant ones…but where and when nevertheless I needed it the most…So what I decided to get out of this passage for now and after reading it a few times trying to figure out what was there for me to get out of…according to what you describe,Bitterness or Vitriol is to the Freudian idea of the energy of Death or Thanatos, what Libido is for the energy/power of Love, or Eros… And where libido responds to the call of love, Eros, creativity and life itself, vitriol or bitterness responds to the fear of the upcoming or already excisting death, Thanatos,closely intterrelated with the “so called reality” that leads and feads it. That however is nothing else but the mainstream though, right? Most of the world (if not all of us but few)work so hard to built those walls around them in order to establish, support and protect their reality and that becomes to be normal…and what approaches normality is not thought to be problematic…unless it gets out of control and the symptom gets not to be relieved anymore…and then it becomes to be a problem. In terms of the symptom itself, a symptom is necessary to first acknowledge and then define an illness…it is a sign…that rings a bell that something is wrong…and needs to be attended on…So that is what is happening on Sunday afternoons and all those other pauses in our lives…we are “free” for a while between the spaces of our “normality”, to take a pic on what is really going on…and if we are lucky enough not to deny or reject it out of fear or allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the burden, no longer than it is necessary for a radical call for transformation to take place…then in this case this symptom…is a blessing…For as Life and Death are two radically opposite but nevertheless complementary forces, the same cannot but be true for Libido and Bitterness, love/creativity/life and depression/death…in the extend that the one follows and defines the other without which it’s very existance would not be possible….In other words…the other side of the coin when it comes to life/love/creativity/birth is death/illness/depression…one needs to go through death to transform in being alive again…like a worm transforms into a butterfly. But in order for this to happen, awarensess is needed as a catalyst…and that is the acknowledment of the symptom…not the denial of it.
That is what I think of this quote…and thanks once more for your generous prompt to think…out of the obvious and yet the obvious…
Best Regards…
Thank you so much. I agree bitterness is such a lost of desire and it kills you alive. I had been to the same delimma before. Thanks God I am getting better. Thanks for this ‘mind opening thoughts’ Paulo. Thanks so much.
Mothers and daughters are featured often in my writing. I think about my mother everyday, and search for the words to describe the woman she became: bitter. She stewed in her own self-made pot of vitriol and retold her life story to herself. In it, there had to be heroes and villains, and if not heroes, then at least martyrs (her), and if not villains, at least prodigal daughters (me).
The only good that came out of her life was her children. The only good that came out of her old age was to serve as a role model of what not to become.
Ohhh, I was in such a rush I forgot to add the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGVGwpxg7yA&feature=fvw
There You go!
It’s rather lenghty, but trust me, it is worth a watch!
For sure.
Love,
L.
Watched the first few minutes and will reshare!
WOW, thank you!! Love Jane : )
I need to share something with You.
One persons way of how to get rid of the Vitriol, the bitterness.
A selfrecovery to freedom in soul and mind, and emotions.
This touched me deeply today.
Thank You, Thoth!
Love,
Liina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGVGwpxg7yA
Here’s the address.
L.
Thank you, thaaaaaank you ^_^ What a nice link between the day and the topic. Thank you for the mental nourishment, Sir Paulo :)
I believe my name means “bitter.” Perhaps that has been my talisman against this malady?
thank you for sharing this from your book “Veronica decides to die”. I can see the point and I will keep in mind this very wise advice. In hopeless situations when one sees the corruption and evil around one, it is hard to not have a “bitterness attack”. I admit I had one of those in between – but it all made me ponder as to find a solution to the situation instead of just being the victim in it all. It sparked always the desire in me to act and to be part of the solution and to fight with all my might as to win over the circumstances. Praying to God for guidance and wisdom in many things has brought the needed help out of nowhere and I am fortunate that I was able to perceive God’s hand in it all and to accept His “help” and guidance. Grateful for it. Hoping that I will always be able to see past the circumstances and not be overcome by bitterness’s inertia in overwhelming situations that life at times brings to one’s doorstep and praying every day for strength and perseverance. Thank you again for this Paulo. God bless you!
Most people associated it with “ego”.
Vitriol, or bitterness, is an interesting new concept indeed :)
BTW, I do not think that losing desire is a bad thing. That is even the teaching of Buddha. It’s losing passion that is the grave matter; to live life automatically, reactively, unconsciously…
Last spring i listened to the Dalai Lama in Amsterdam. ‘I have to laugh about you people from the West,’ he said, ‘about how you want to be like us. You are not, you can never be us, you have to be yourself. You will never be Buddhists because you are not from the East.’
In our culture the ego is an important building stone of society. We like to be known, we like to excel, we like attention! Europe is covered in graffiti, from Abt Suger’s tags in the abbey of Cluny to the Pont du Gard in Nimes, from the ruins of Pompeii to today’s concrete bridges and underground stations we leave nametags to be remembered, we exist because we leave traces. It doesn’t matter to us if in doing so we destroy the beauty of the greater total. What matters is leaving our own personal moment on what we expect to outlive us.
The ego is the thriving force of our world and we have to come to terms with it.
Last weekend i listened to my friend beating herself up about being egoistic, about putting herself in the centre of her world and how she despises herself for doing so. We then discussed how the ego is not all bad. It is our life force. Creativity is closely connected to the ego, personal dreams are as well, and how can you possibly follow your personal path if you deny the value of the self?
For many years i have looked for ways to let go of my ego too. Not through Buddhism but by choosing a path quite different. A path that probably is best described as sexual servitude. i found that in moments of sacrifice i was more free of ego than i had ever been and that made me extremely happy. In doing so i was also sacrificing my own desires, dreams and individualism and that made me deeply unhappy. So i was Jojo- ing about looking for an equilibrium, pushing borders until nothing seemed to make sense anymore at all. i had to learn to live with my ego, i could not cease to exist as a person however much i desired to do so. Taking responsibility for ones own life means accepting ones ego with all it’s sceams and dreams. It also means accepting ones shortcomings: maybe i’ll never be the person i have the potential to be. That is bitter at times, but i learned that bitterness doesn’t last a lifetime, and neither does happiness. You can find light in the darkness and watch the shadows in the light.
Sometimes I think it’s not the bitter’s people fault , it’s just their fate that they have to face …
Nothing is permanent in this world …..wither it is happiness , sorrow ….bitterness…..good or bad times….nothing is going to last long…..its life ….it is such….it changes every moment….. only issue is boldly /courageously /patiently facing the situation, those hours of turmoil , coming out of the times of bitterness….it becomes hell going through that particular period…which paulo terms as “panic attacks”….i feel there is a Luck factor too involved….some people have extra ordinary bad situations written in their destiny….but despite of whatever critical situations be i totally agree with Paulos veiw ” God never tries ones capabilities beyond his/her strength “…. In other words if God gives hardships in ones destiny also gives enough strength to face them…….and finally at the end of the day….why to worry ? nothing is permanent ….bitterness is also temporary will not last for ever……let us all pledge we all with the help of Gods Blessings are going to crush/replace it with love/joy…..thanks all of you for follwing Paulo along with me ” Paulo the Healer…..the Secret Messenger….God sent Angel…..”…Paulo we all love you …we admire you…..God Bless….keep the Good Work going…..
This Sunday afternoon I found myself engulfed in this feeling. This article was synchronistic and profound. I wish to overcome my bitterness. I fear that I am slipping into despair, although I often try to focus on the positive. Overtime this effect has snowballed. It does start with little things but lately I don’t like the strange and out of place as well as out of control bursts of anger over the tiniest things. I don’t want to be that person. Something is very very wrong.
I totally understand where you are coming from AsayaOm. I feel the same way and had the same realization this Sunday Afternoon. You have literally described what I am going through to the very letter…..
Its also amazing that people who don’t know each other are still linked and experience the same things. I am also amazed, that during one of these feelings, I open my mail and Paulo has written concerning this.
Somehow I feel comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this feeling. and thats what I wanted you to know too.
I think this feeling can be overcome…. I am also not sure how…. but I guess the first step is realizing something is wrong. Then we will figure out how to fix it.