ESPANOL AQUI: CERRANDO CIRCULOS
PORTUGUES AQUI: ENCERRANDO CICLOS
(a version of this article circulates in internet having me as its author. In fact, I did not write it, but I made a few corrections and decided to republish it here)
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
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Querido Paulo querias ser doctor de las mentes perdidas,pero ahora eres doctor de las almas.Gracias a DIOS que te trajo en este mundo.Saludos Amigo.
Great thinking, ‘
after analyzing this , i feel that i have to change my self.
instead of stuck with my memories, i try a lot for flushing my memories out ,,but sudden some time,, she came back to my mind…………..
today i m missing her. one of my frnd….. she told me that we should follow this change cycle… & bookmarked this page……… now i m able to concentrate on my study back……… thanks my dear frnd…….. & thanks sir to share this kind of great stuff…………..
now i will start my cycle again………………………..
Thanks Take care all readers
Ayer se cumplio un año que mi esposo dejo este mundo (me lo robo la muerte) quedo el dolor de la perdida, al leer estas lineas me doy cuenta que ha estado a mi lado todo este tiempo, es dificil dejarlo ir; a Dios le pido fortaleza para cerrar este ciclo y desprenderme de él , debo dejarlo ir y seguir viviendo dando sentido a la palabra vivir hasta que me toque a mi. Que se cumpla la Voluntad de Dios.
Paulo you Really has the power to change my life. I so grateful with you. Yor bless you!
Dear Paulo,
On my blog I’ve been describing what happens when a poison enters our house and how we as a family had to leave our home and everything we had. The most difficult is to explain to your child what is happening.
However everything you describe is true. Letting go is necessary, or else it will destroy you and your family. It is not so much the value of the things you have to let go, not even the memories. But the fact that you felt safe. This also is an invention of 20th century mankind. The idea that you are safe.
Among my first new books that I bought after we left the house and all the unread books I still had in there, was the Aleph. And another book about the second world war. About loss and new beginnings so to speak. And the funny thing is that in my choices I let myself be directed by intuition and not by reason like I did before. Perhaps that is already a spark of what is to be my ‘new life’…
Pain is there…but suffering is a choice…
so true…
All of this is true most of the time, but dare I say it..dare I? Sometimes we can’t let go because we are not meant to… sometimes we have sabotaged our truth and destroyed love for the worng reasons and sometimes the pain never leaves, time does not heal and the message keeps on at us BECAUSE we’re not listening without fear.
Juan is a very important writer. I admire it. Esteban Guerra P.
How do you know when is time to move on? How do you know if the best option is forgiveness and keep going or close the cycle and start again?
It’s a tough one Sandra. I have been feeling the same for some time. But through reading and trying hard to listen to my soul,being as mindful and peaceful as i can manage,I have the answer. That is my answer. That is to close the cycle,and I think I knew this all along. Take your time and listen well to what your instincts are telling you. Will be thinking of you,much love.x
dear sir i really love your thoughts thanks for being there
I read the article and a few questions acme up, is there anybody who can answer these for me…
But what if you can’t shut door to that person? What if you hav to see that person every now and then? Every time you see that wrong-doer, you revisit the past. What should be done in a situation like this??
You said your relationship ended, and you revisit the past whenever you see that person.
I think somewhere in your heart you’re forcing yourself to remember the past and not to forget. Maybe you started enjoying the pain, but enjoying pain is not a good thing.
It’s not so true that we actually revisit past, we forces ourselves to do so. It’s okay to see that person, But you don’t need to remember what was in between you. time passes we forgets everything.
Don’t hurt yourself.
I having trouble letting go of someone who taught you about literature, photogragphy and Art and now I am losing my daughter. I had a friend and we share everything except a personal and physical relationship. We would commincate everyday and after a year and half he disappear. we shared poetry, photography, literature and art. That’s what I miss sharing those thingthatmy husband has no interest in. He a was a dear friend to me. I miss him and his little notes but your right moving on is easier said than done. I need to do and concentrate on my art!
people get hurt only by people they love.
losing people you love (my only first born son) is like a dagger thrusted in my heart. memory is a wonderful thing — can dwell on the beautiful moments and laugh at funny situations. Yes!! moving on is good because it completes the life that is meant to be lived… that we owe to our Creator to let His glory shine and know He is God. But as humans, one can never erase the glimpse and the feeling of missing a loved one. The heart is not a switch that can be easily put on or off … its an organ — the wellspring of life.
And if you fear about walking one step to the next, think about: being afraid of what you expect is harder, than what actually happens then. There is no “must” or “wrong” or “right” in the decision to close one door. Just one thing, that matters: love simply is.
I have gone through many losses in my life, from leaving family behind to losing friends and long term relationships. Every time its been hard and brought a lot of pain into my world. Sometimes I even wondered how I could carry on with my life without that person it in anymore.
The best thing I have learned that time heals, the past becomes memories and only I can make them seem good in my heart. Yes sometimes it can be hard to re visit some memories, but I would never want to throw anything away as it would be like throwing part of myself away. Everything that I have been through, every person that has been in my life has made me who I am.
So even if it really really hurts just lock it up, because one day you might just want to dig it out to look back and be proud of yourself to have come such a long way!
x
This wisdom is such irrefutable truth that it seems surprising to me how many fight it. There is no growth without change, and change requires letting go of one ring to grab on to the next.
As a former principal I once proposed putting all t he teachers names in a hat and pulling out a name one at a time for job assignments; the idea was two fold…know all positions from the inside and promote growth and new experiences. Never have you seen a group of adults revolt at the idea so quickly. The comfort of the known holds us and often is the greatest hindrance to our growth.
Quando somos jovens abraçamos tudo e somos corajosos, quando mais velhos nos acomodamos pela garantia da saúde e da tranquilidade, nem tanto pela quantia financeira que proporciona esse “falso conforto”. Família é uma dádiva de Deus e o amor também, mas quando não se tem as duas coisas juntas como gostaríamos o desgaste é certo e não podemos simplismente abraçar a vida e deixar todo o resto para trás como se não existisse. Para uma pessoa mudar de vida, ela precisa dar um passo, depois outro, mas sozinha nunca vai muito longe. Algumas sim pois herdam uma qualidade insuperável que não se define, isso é admirável pela força que possui, vc
thanks…need to read something like this..:)
Life changing. Thank you for sharing.
It touch my heart but its easy to say hard to Implement !!
Sir Paulo Cuelho, another awesome thought!!! My favorite line in this thought, “Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.” It’s one of the hardest thing to do but there are moment in our life that we need to…though how painful it is. ACCEPTANCE!!!….is all you can do, to accept the fact that it absolutely doesn’t belong to you.
How hard and painful is …knowing and willing is not enough…then we must apply.
A real task handled in a very very simple realistic way…………. I enjoyed reading it over n over n over
I`m really glad I came over this page. I understand more how things works now and I think I will be saved from a lot of unecessary suffering. You are a very wise man Paulo, and you make me learn more about myself. I`m very grateful for that.
I totally agree with you on the letting go part. I know also from my own experiences that the way to move on is to totally let go.
My problem this time is that the boy I have to leave knows many of my friends and will always be around somehow. We are kind off friends too. I`m bound to meet him several times. Either that or just stay at home.
No one knows that I`m in love wtih him so I can`t talk about it with our common friends. Not even he knows. The reason I have to leave is that he is bad for me(using drugs sometimes and so on) and the fact that I know that he doesn`t feel for me the way I do for him. I can`t shut him out from facebook, or stop all contact because because that will be weird, And sooner or later he will ask what`s wrong. It`s so difficult this time because I can`t completely shut him out of my life. And seeing him makes me weak so I`m struggeling with closing this chapter. My question is: what can you do under circumstances like this when you can`t choose to not see him? Is time the only answear? In that case I`m afraid that it may take a while.
Love from Norway.
hi Brit that was a very wise decision ,all the way long through your lie u will definitely find someone special who knows ur worth but till that time stand still experience life with a smile and all things will get bright and sunny,
good luck
Hello.
To find your answer I recomed you read this:
http://www.thespiritualcatalyst.com/TealScott-Publications.html
Also add Teal Scott on facebook.Her teaching are amazing and it will help you,as it as me and soooo many others.Read everything,learn from her,hear her words on her blog or on you tube.
Good luck.Wish you all the best.
sometimes you are going on a right way and your past stand up frount of you beacause we still carring this past with us as a memory. i dont know what is right and what is wrong beacuse when i follow my love because my soal allow me for do this but now today that relationship became my biggest mistake of my life.
but your blog”s paulo whenever i read creat a enrgy in my soal. i have just a wish. i want to make you my teacher to find my way. i feel only darkness around my self .
again and again i just thing that i am not doing that thing which i really want to do and i am here to do. i am just baounded with many relations, my parents not trust on me. i am a assistant manager in jtg bank. i have a goverment job and many of my friends and relatives want to get this but my perantes not happy with this me.
but you are grate poulo you just wright for us. god bless you.
God bless u too…
Yes , shut the door, bolt it and keep it that way! Thank you Sir :)
Tourner une page de sa vie c’est ce que suis en train de faire , je me sens comme tout le monde concernée, un chapitre se termine , un autre s’ouvre vers une autre destinée oùl’on ne veut plus recommencer les mêmes erreurs . Malheureusement on en fera d’autres mais la vie est une suite de chapîtres et de pages à tourner . Parfois les feuilles du livre sont jaunes et toutes déchirées , la souffrance est là. Il ne reste qu’une chose à faire c’est de ne pas prendre un rouleau de scotch pour le réparer. Il vaut mieux écrire sur un grand cahier le brouillon d’une vie à reconstituer car vous êtes en ruine . Il faut reprendre une autre destination , le bonheur doit se trouver sur les bas côtés du chemin car il y a de jolis fleurs à voir parfois . C’est dommage de rouler ou de marcher sur une route en bitume qui sent mauvais . Il faut se sentir soulagé après toutes ces pérégrinations dans votre vie . La vie est faite d’allées et de coins sombres mais au détour il y a l’orée d’un bois où le soleil perce en contre-jour . Il ne faut pas oublier qu’il se lève à l’aube et vient vous éclairer le visage . Vos yeux clignent et vous pouvez voir le joli chemin à prendre pour finir la randonnée en beauté. Il reste plein de jours pour vous réconcilier avec vous-même. Cherchez votre équilibre et vous saurez choisir le bon itinéraire à prendre pour atteindre la félicité.
We tend to want to stay in our “comfort zone”. I have learned that when we cling to the past, it’s because it has become our comfort zone, it is what we know. Even if it makes us miserable, that is what we know. We feel that it is all there is for us. Afraid to get past it because if we do, we will expose ourselves to something different, something that is unknown to us. Yes, that something sometimes is happiness.
We can create a whole new comfort zone, one that will involve new memories…
Awesome..learning to live in the NOW!
Dear Paulo,
I have read several books previously that mention this subject, each with their own perspective.
Mitch Albom on “Tuesday with Morrie” said we have to be able to detach our selves to be able to move on quickly.
Ajahn Brahm also mention the same way.
Question is how do we know when to detach?
LA MIA NUOVA COSTELLAZIONE
É là.
Luminosa nella mia mente,ormai tenebrosa,la vedo solo io,per questo stoscrivendo.
Lasciatemi andare il cammino è avvenuto,è terminato.
Lasciatemi andare devo respirare
Lasciatemi andare ho da fare con lei
Lasciatemi andare devo respirare
Qui si soffoca non voglio più additivi alla Freud per respirare
E tu schiavo. Come hai perso le tue radici?
Sei talmente inebriato dal tuo “vedere” da pensare di illuminarmi con il superfluo?
Hai solo ricordato alla mia mente che parli di argomenti che conosco datempo immemore.
Io ho la forza di sollevare te e tutti quelli che vuoi aiutare.
Hai confuso tutto… hai fatto lo stesso errore di tutti!
Dare importanza a quello che ne ha poca per me.
Lasciami andare. Continua il tuo cammino senza di me.
“Lasciami andare”
Copyright La Terra
Although the text is great, I must admit that one can only let go when one is alone, if on the other hand you have a mother who is constantly badgering you about things in the past, things that only she remembers and nobody else does, things that she says you said, commented and affirmed yet you are sure you did not do any or on the other hand, thinks she says she did but did not as she wasn’t there at the time though she says she was…. when you have a person like that who will refuse to accept all evidence that they are wrong and who will attack you by bringing back things in the past that have no bearing in the argument and will make you want to kill them because all they do is put words that you never said in your mouth…. when faced with someone like that, what do you do? You want to be a good daughter but it’s impossible – you argue – you can argue till you are blue in the face SHE is always right YOU are always wrong SHE never apologizes and if you do, then it was because SHE was right all along….. and you want to end it ALL. Every time you fight back, you only prove to your mother and to the world that you are indeed an EVIL daughter. you are in a lose lose situation and can only escape by disappearing into thin air – that’s what I want to do right now.
Important message and one which I know from experience to be very valuable. But I have a question…. When and how do we know something is worthy of us fighting for it? Do we NEVER stand up for justice, peace, those we love and who and need or deserve our protection? Should Mr Mandella have let go of his cause? What is the difference? Because I am in the middle of one of those situations and I just don’t know weather or not to fight the just fight or to cut my losses. Your feedback would be very useful………
And it’s all here. Thank You so much sir Paulo Coelho for this blog. I know God already spoke to me and just told me what to do, and you sir served as an instrument. :)))