I do believe that life is the best teacher. However, if you had to share with other readers everything that you learned from life so far, what would you say to them?
As a child, I was very insecure. I was ridiculed, tormented and teased not only because of me being an ugly duckling, but also because of my name.
Alethea Bondad. As I am typing this, I see red underlines. Microsoft Word can’t even recognize it. It’s foreign and it’s weird that students and teachers alike mispronounce it most of the time. Here in the Philippines where I come from, “ale” means old lady, and “bondad” is a cruel substitute for the term pertaining to being bloated or pregnant: “bundat.” I found myself slouching as low as I would behind my desk every time my name was announced during the first day of class, paper and card distribution days, even on my graduation. I wished I had another surname like Cruz or Santos – any name was common among Filipinos.
But as time went by, I got to redeem myself and raise my status from being an invisible loser to a dignified geek and I was happy about it. My reputation as someone who is good in academics and art helped me gain friends and admirers, confidence and enthusiasm. Hearing my name on others’ mouths became music to my ears.
“Adversity builds character,” as the saying goes, and those years of being emotionally tortured by others served as a stepping stone for me to develop my character. “Who am I?” is the primary question everyone’s trying to answer. As of now, I do not have all the answers to it, but this is what I know so far:
1. I only speak when I have something important to say.
2. I always say what I mean and mean what I say.
3. It is not in my nature to seek revenge.
4. It is not in my nature to hurt either by word or by deed. If necessary, I allow myself to get hurt so others won’t be. (My dad always tells me to be considerate of others first.) “Treat others the way you want to be treated,” he always say.
5. I cannot be someone I am not. I am transparent.
In summation, I live by truth and kindness. A product of the Bondad household.
Alethea is a Greek word that means “truth.” Bondad is a Spanish word that means “kindness.” Alethea Bondad literally means “Truth & Kindness.”
There’s this “final lesson” I always teach my students just when the session’s about to end.
One has to remember that in painting and drawing, just like in life, there will always be uncontrollable factors. The artist does not have total control over his work. There is always a chance that the artwork will not look exactly as how the artist has planned it. It may either look better or otherwise. Every drip of excess water, every spatter and blot of paint and every pastel stain contributes to what the artist will call his masterpiece.
Just like in life, the trick is always to make the best of every unplanned or undesirable situation, to adapt, and to turn such into one’s advantage. In my case, drips of excess water can be used to achieve a hazy or foggy effect, spatters and blots of paint (especially in seascapes) can be turned into ships that are sailing miles away from shore or birds flying in the vast horizon, and pastel stains can be used to achieve a shadowy effect.
Alethea Bondad, your post is good. But it takes a lot of courage to accept the reality and realize that the person, who always said that he/she loved you, actually never loved you. And I am ok if someone uses me for material needs but I get very disturbed if I come to know that someone has used me for emotional needs.
It’s so exasperating, isn’t it, having gone through this charade many times in our lives?:
We wish for something in particular - material things, the perfect job, the perfect person we could hopefully plan and spend the future with - then we pray and work hard to get it (not knowing that the perception of perfection is totally upto us or subjective; a matter of looking at things). Then after a while, there come the terrible moments wherein we screw things up: take what we have achieved and the people around us for granted, hurt our loved ones and ourselves, for reasons that only we are accountable for. The result is a poisonous mixture of feelings of regret, guilt, anger and despair that taints our soul, sometimes permanently. What’s worse is that this becomes a habit to us.
And so after twenty-three years of existence, I have come to discover a simple instruction to live by (my thanks to Paulo Coelho):
1. Find out what it is that your heart really wants
2. Find out what you want to do with it once achieved
3. Do your best in order to get it
This way, no one gets hurt and we get to be more responsible.
And another thing, numbers 2 and 3 have not been interchanged by mistake… Mistakes often appear when we first claim something that we never actually wanted in the first place.
I like what you have written; a very beautiful post. No doubt I will keep it in my Heart. I will put your words in my memory; they are helpful for me.
Thank you.[/quote]
Dear A Friend,
I’m glad to be of help to you. Always remember that whatever it is that you are experiencing right now, others - no matter how far they are, from what state or country, how old they are, who they are - are experiencing it too. It is certain that you are not alone and will never be.
Tenho sido uma pessoa forte e decidida, positiva e bom astral. No entanto também sofro, também tenho decepções, também me magou com os outros, mas acima de tudo sou uma pessoa feliz.
Quando alguém me procura, tenta passar-lhe estes mesmos valores. Eu quero, eu acredito, logo luto, logo obtenho o que quero. Sem truques de magia, sem ajudas, só porque acredito e tenho fé.
As pessoas, precisam de ajuda, porque têm medos, porque não acreditam nelas, porque têm problemas e o meu conselho é que sejam mais positivas, acreditem e lutem. Se por acaso se tratar de um problema pontual, ajudo-as a detectar a causa do problema e a eliminá-lo do seu caminho.
Ha-ja fé para nos dar, a força e a alegria que precisamos para prosseguir todos os dias o nosso caminho.
I’ve watched this film a hundred times since its premiere in the late 90’s, but I must admit that I never got to fully understand it until now.
Being a “geek to the core” most of her life, as Josie puts it, she mentioned something about being true to onself. That simple sentence goes, “Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.” Wow.
Last year, I fell in-love with someone. One of the highlights of this year was that I lost that someone - twice. He never came back.
One of the most hurtful situations that a person can find himself in is when she discovers that the man who said he truly loved her didn’t love her after all. The reason? Because of who she is. “Ouch, cuts right through the heart!” People who find themselves in situations like these, or experience some other form of rejection from friends, family and parents, often question their own being, their own essence.
“Find out who you are and TRY NOT TO BE AFRAID OF IT.”… I said to myself before, “What in the hell is so scary about that? Now I understand… the fear of REJECTION. Aside from the cliche, “love yourself,”
1. NEVER let anyone put you down because of who you are.
2. NEVER try to be someone you’re not.
3. NEVER accuse someone of not loving himself enough - you are NOT the judge of that.
4. NEVER hurt others… well, you know what I mean.
Dr. David Viscott imparts an important lesson in recognizing when someone truly accepts and loves us for who we are: “If another person is going to love you, that person ALREADY loves you, and there is NOTHING you need to do to win that love.” Beautiful, isn’t it?…He also talks about conditional love: “So when you please someone in order to get his love, you will soon discover that the love is not worth having, or that new conditions have been added for you to meet before you are loved.”
As a child, I was very insecure. I was ridiculed, tormented and teased not only because of me being an ugly duckling, but also because of my name.
Alethea Bondad. As I am typing this, I see red underlines. Microsoft Word can’t even recognize it. It’s foreign and it’s weird that students and teachers alike mispronounce it most of the time. Here in the Philippines where I come from, “ale” means old lady, and “bondad” is a cruel substitute for the term pertaining to being bloated or pregnant: “bundat.” I found myself slouching as low as I would behind my desk every time my name was announced during the first day of class, paper and card distribution days, even on my graduation. I wished I had another surname like Cruz or Santos – any name was common among Filipinos.
But as time went by, I got to redeem myself and raise my status from being an invisible loser to a dignified geek and I was happy about it. My reputation as someone who is good in academics and art helped me gain friends and admirers, confidence and enthusiasm. Hearing my name on others’ mouths became music to my ears.
“Adversity builds character,” as the saying goes, and those years of being emotionally tortured by others served as a stepping stone for me to develop my character. “Who am I?” is the primary question everyone’s trying to answer. As of now, I do not have all the answers to it, but this is what I know so far:
1. I only speak when I have something important to say.
2. I always say what I mean and mean what I say.
3. It is not in my nature to seek revenge.
4. It is not in my nature to hurt either by word or by deed. If necessary, I allow myself to get hurt so others won’t be. (My dad always tells me to be considerate of others first.) “Treat others the way you want to be treated,” he always say.
5. I cannot be someone I am not. I am transparent.
In summation, I live by truth and kindness. A product of the Bondad household.
Alethea is a Greek word that means “truth.” Bondad is a Spanish word that means “kindness.” Alethea Bondad literally means “Truth & Kindness.”
OF LIFE AND ART
There’s this “final lesson” I always teach my students just when the session’s about to end.
One has to remember that in painting and drawing, just like in life, there will always be uncontrollable factors. The artist does not have total control over his work. There is always a chance that the artwork will not look exactly as how the artist has planned it. It may either look better or otherwise. Every drip of excess water, every spatter and blot of paint and every pastel stain contributes to what the artist will call his masterpiece.
Just like in life, the trick is always to make the best of every unplanned or undesirable situation, to adapt, and to turn such into one’s advantage. In my case, drips of excess water can be used to achieve a hazy or foggy effect, spatters and blots of paint (especially in seascapes) can be turned into ships that are sailing miles away from shore or birds flying in the vast horizon, and pastel stains can be used to achieve a shadowy effect.
Alethea Bondad, your post is good. But it takes a lot of courage to accept the reality and realize that the person, who always said that he/she loved you, actually never loved you. And I am ok if someone uses me for material needs but I get very disturbed if I come to know that someone has used me for emotional needs.
Love and Peace
Najam
A TINY SECRET TO ACHIEVING HAPPINESS
It’s so exasperating, isn’t it, having gone through this charade many times in our lives?:
We wish for something in particular - material things, the perfect job, the perfect person we could hopefully plan and spend the future with - then we pray and work hard to get it (not knowing that the perception of perfection is totally upto us or subjective; a matter of looking at things). Then after a while, there come the terrible moments wherein we screw things up: take what we have achieved and the people around us for granted, hurt our loved ones and ourselves, for reasons that only we are accountable for. The result is a poisonous mixture of feelings of regret, guilt, anger and despair that taints our soul, sometimes permanently. What’s worse is that this becomes a habit to us.
And so after twenty-three years of existence, I have come to discover a simple instruction to live by (my thanks to Paulo Coelho):
1. Find out what it is that your heart really wants
2. Find out what you want to do with it once achieved
3. Do your best in order to get it
This way, no one gets hurt and we get to be more responsible.
And another thing, numbers 2 and 3 have not been interchanged by mistake… Mistakes often appear when we first claim something that we never actually wanted in the first place.
[quote comment="11661"]Alethea Bondad … Hello.
I like what you have written; a very beautiful post. No doubt I will keep it in my Heart. I will put your words in my memory; they are helpful for me.
Thank you.[/quote]
Dear A Friend,
I’m glad to be of help to you. Always remember that whatever it is that you are experiencing right now, others - no matter how far they are, from what state or country, how old they are, who they are - are experiencing it too. It is certain that you are not alone and will never be.
-Alethea
Tenho sido uma pessoa forte e decidida, positiva e bom astral. No entanto também sofro, também tenho decepções, também me magou com os outros, mas acima de tudo sou uma pessoa feliz.
Quando alguém me procura, tenta passar-lhe estes mesmos valores. Eu quero, eu acredito, logo luto, logo obtenho o que quero. Sem truques de magia, sem ajudas, só porque acredito e tenho fé.
As pessoas, precisam de ajuda, porque têm medos, porque não acreditam nelas, porque têm problemas e o meu conselho é que sejam mais positivas, acreditem e lutem. Se por acaso se tratar de um problema pontual, ajudo-as a detectar a causa do problema e a eliminá-lo do seu caminho.
Ha-ja fé para nos dar, a força e a alegria que precisamos para prosseguir todos os dias o nosso caminho.
Alethea Bondad … Hello.
I like what you have written; a very beautiful post. No doubt I will keep it in my Heart. I will put your words in my memory; they are helpful for me.
Thank you.
I’ve watched this film a hundred times since its premiere in the late 90’s, but I must admit that I never got to fully understand it until now.
Being a “geek to the core” most of her life, as Josie puts it, she mentioned something about being true to onself. That simple sentence goes, “Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.” Wow.
Last year, I fell in-love with someone. One of the highlights of this year was that I lost that someone - twice. He never came back.
One of the most hurtful situations that a person can find himself in is when she discovers that the man who said he truly loved her didn’t love her after all. The reason? Because of who she is. “Ouch, cuts right through the heart!” People who find themselves in situations like these, or experience some other form of rejection from friends, family and parents, often question their own being, their own essence.
“Find out who you are and TRY NOT TO BE AFRAID OF IT.”… I said to myself before, “What in the hell is so scary about that? Now I understand… the fear of REJECTION. Aside from the cliche, “love yourself,”
1. NEVER let anyone put you down because of who you are.
2. NEVER try to be someone you’re not.
3. NEVER accuse someone of not loving himself enough - you are NOT the judge of that.
4. NEVER hurt others… well, you know what I mean.
Dr. David Viscott imparts an important lesson in recognizing when someone truly accepts and loves us for who we are: “If another person is going to love you, that person ALREADY loves you, and there is NOTHING you need to do to win that love.” Beautiful, isn’t it?…He also talks about conditional love: “So when you please someone in order to get his love, you will soon discover that the love is not worth having, or that new conditions have been added for you to meet before you are loved.”