I decided to conduct a survey among my friends about what society considers to be normal behavior. What follows is a list I have made of some of the absurd situations we face in day-to-day life, just because society sees them as normal:
1] Anything that makes us forget our true identity and our dreams and makes us only work to produce and reproduce.
2] Making rules for a war (the Geneva Convention).
3] Spending years at university and then not being able to find a job.
4] Working from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon at something that does not give us the least pleasure, so that we can retire after 30 years.
5] Retiring only to discover that we have no more energy to enjoy life, and then dying of boredom after a few years.
6] Using Botox.
7] Trying to be financially successful instead of seeking happiness.
8] Ridiculing those who seek happiness instead of money by calling them “people with no ambition”.
9] Comparing objects like cars, houses and clothes, and defining life according to these comparisons instead of really trying to find out the true reason for being alive.
10] Not talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about our neighbors.
11] Thinking that parents are always right.
12] Getting married, having children and staying together even though the love has gone, claiming that it’s for the sake of the children (who do not seem to be listening to the constant arguments).
12ª] Criticizing everybody who tries to be different.
14] Waking up with a hysterical alarm-clock at the bedside.
15] Believing absolutely everything that is printed.
16] Wearing a piece of colored cloth wrapped around the neck for no apparent reason and known by the pompous name “necktie”.
17] Never asking direct questions, even though the other person understands what you want to know.
18] Keeping a smile on your face when you really want to cry. And feeling sorry for those who show their own feelings.
19] Thinking that art is worth a fortune, or else that it is worth absolutely nothing.
20] Always despising what was easily gained, because the “necessary sacrifice” – and therefore also the required qualities – are missing.
21] Following fashion, even though it all looks ridiculous and uncomfortable.
22] Being convinced that all the famous people have tons of money saved up.
23] Investing a lot in exterior beauty and paying little attention to interior beauty.
24] Using all possible means to show that even though you are a normal person, you are infinitely superior to other human beings.
25] In any kind of public transport, never looking straight into the eyes of the other passengers, as this may be taken for attempting to seduce them.
26] When you enter an elevator, looking straight at the door and pretending you are the only person inside, however crowded it may be.
27] Never laughing out loud in a restaurant, no matter how funny the story is.
28] In the Northern hemisphere, always wearing the clothes that match the season of the year: short sleeves in springtime (however cold it may be) and a woolen jacket in the fall (no matter how warm it is).
29] In the Southern hemisphere, decorating the Christmas tree with cotton wool, even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.
30] As you grow older, thinking you are the wisest man in the world, even though not always do you have enough life experience to know what is wrong.
31] Going to a charity event and thinking that in this way you have collaborated enough to put an end to all the social inequalities in the world.
32] Eating three times a day, even if you’re not hungry.
33] Believing that the others are always better at everything: they are better-looking, more resourceful, richer and more intelligent. Since it’s very risky to venture beyond your own limits, it’s better to do nothing.
34] Using the car as a way to feel powerful and in control of the world.
35] Using foul language in traffic.
36] Thinking that everything your child does wrong is the fault of the company he or she is keeping.
37] Marrying the first person who offers you a position in society. Love can wait.
38] Always saying “I tried”, even though you haven’t tried at all.
39] Putting off doing the most interesting things in life until you no longer have the strength to do them.
40] Avoiding depression with massive daily doses of television programs.
41] Believing that it is possible to be sure of everything you have won.
42] Thinking that women don’t like football and that men don’t like interior decoration.
43] Blaming the government for everything bad that happens.
44] Being convinced that being a good, decent and respectful person means that the others will find you weak, vulnerable and easy to manipulate.
45] Being convinced that aggressiveness and discourtesy in treating others are signs of a powerful personality.
46] Being afraid of fibroscopy (men) and childbirth (women).
47] And finally, thinking that your religion is the sole proprietor of the absolute truth, the most important, the best, and that the other human beings in this immense planet who believe in any other manifestation of God are condemned to the fires of hell.
thank you very much Paolo, it is really good to step out of the daily river time to time and see what really are we doing.. once again THANKS!
that was amazing thanks so much paulo
I’m just gonna come out and say it, despite what I’ve scanned others saying, I find this highly entitled and pretentious, and I seem to be the only one saying so. I understand the message that you are trying to send but there has got to be a way other than sounding like an entitled upper middle class suburban white man.
48)agreeing with someone just because everyone else is.
I also noticed that, while yes there is something on that list that says don’t hate people for being different, there is nothing that says it is ok to be yourself.
Loved this list, and reading the comments.
If a dog park could be a metaphor for life, I only pray then, to run off-leash!
Thank You Paulo, Love to All, Jane : ) xo
i love you man
Wow…guesse I am the only dissenter here…
1/4/5. you don’t have to breed but you do have to work. Life=work. To say otherwise makes you sound like a spoiled middle-upperclass housefrau.
3. Those who don’t go to college can’t find jobs either. Moot point
7. Things change when you have kids. It is called a sacrifice and it is one of the most noble things you can do in life.
10/25/26. These are for the most part biological functions you see in lower life as well. Some can get over them but most do not because not doing them can put you in harms way. Not talking to someone who addresses you in these situations is however wrong.
30 and 33. contradict each other
35. is just down right fun and a positive way to release pent up frustration without hurting anyone else
Other than that I generaly agree. #2 exists purely as an excuse for governments to demonize the enemy and is a very good point.
Nate :
1/4/5 Life does not equal work. Unless you be-live that way. As long as you believe that, it, of course, will be true for you.
3. Well,I suppose you are right I didn’t graduate college. tested out in 10th grade actually. Just couldn’t do forced learning anymore. Havn’t had a Job since I was 22. However for the last 14 years I have “worked” 24-30 hours per week leaving the rest for the life at the beach. Literally. I am no Gates, but I am rich in time. Point is, college doesn’t mean you will have a job? and life doesn’t have to mean work.
7. If its something you truly want to do, there is no sacrifice in it. This is a distinction I do not see that you understand from your response here. Service is of the heart, you love doing it. So you really sacrificed? don’t you know Jesus already did that for you? Martyrdom is so old school. In todays times? You aren’t any good to any movement, whether it be of the family or the community, dead bitter and resentful. Are you getting my point? Be open. You are taking a limited view and really, I am sure you would rather experience abundance. oh yes. its connected.
imagine if…life didn’t =work, you didn’t have to sacrifice yourself to be honorable, and regardless of what kind of formal education or restricted beliefs (be-lives) you acquired, you could create the kind of life you wanted, Simply by choosing to.
Wow. That would be great huh? It actually Is.
blessings
You slammed the ball out of the park with this list! Right on!!!!!!
May I use citation from INVENTORY OF NORMALITY in my book that probable will be entitle INFINITEZIMAL (IN)DIFFERENCES ?
SONJA D SZIMON
I would add “seeking happiness rather than deciding to be happy now.”
I would add : filling your mind – television, news, books – with the acts of desperate people, then bemoaning the lack of “good” people in the world.
#1: At the time of college graduation, our creative writing department held a meeting which was meant to facilitate the students’ transition from the classroom to the “real world.” One of the students said, “I don’t know what to do now! I might not ever be able to make a living from my writing, and I have to be published before I can teach in a university, and that might take a very long time. What kind of job should I look for in the mean time to support myself?” Many answers were proposed by the various professors, but the only one that sticks in my mind to this day was the one given by my fiction professor. He said, “Choose whatever job you can find that supports and does not conflict with your sense of yourself as a writer.” Basically, he was saying: Yes, we all have to eat, but in selecting a job that will give you money to survive, choose one that will not destroy your dream or your true identity. He then gave a few wonderful examples of very famous writers who had held menial jobs, in order to make money, and yet still have the time and mental energy left to write. I thought his advice was wonderful.
When I was in college I worked as a waitress in a diner. One of our dishwashers was an elderly man who was apparently and accomplished, but unsuccessful musician. He loved his music more than anything. Despite the menial nature and low wages of his job, Gerald always came to work cheerful and did his work well and with pride. When I asked how he could be so positive about such a crappy job, he replied, “It pays for the art, man; it pays for the art.” I’ve never forgotten that.
You have a beautifully compelling way of seeing the world and the things that are wrong with it. This post makes it a little easier for me to trust you. Thanks for writing.
#14 cracked me up.
Ok so, #26 happens because #14 has already happened and ruined the mood and the entire day!
People think that complaining about the weather is absolutely normal and a must do – even though they can’t change it! What a waste of time …
this makes me feel sad, because i recognise the absurdity of myself and realise i have spent the last 50 years in a state of dreamlike superficiality
The people is worried of what the others are going to say, and is more easier to be “normal” than be like we wanna be. The sea take us and if we don´t fight we will go where all the people are, where the people with dreams but not with the necessary strength to do a change in their life.
How do we live? we live like all the people, we do the things that our family wanna do, the things that all the people can do. We have to tried to do those things that not all the people do, that no all tried, the things that we love.
Why do we do things that we don´t like? Because we have fear, of what they are going to say, what we shall see, what we are going to face. Since we are child, our parents said us that the life is hard.
Not all the people think in the same way, but all my life I think in the word “normal” and tried to be different, be normal in my way.
You are truly my hero. Sometimes I believe you are the only person in the world who truly know and understands me. Not that you know me personally, but you write what I feel always. Thank yo for not giving up and for being born.
I am definitively not a normal person then..
But I have few comments:
2) since we are still not intelligent enough not to make war, we unfortunately need rules of conduct in war.. (my country, Croatia, was i in war 10 years ago) human imagination doesn’t know the limits.. unfortunately not even when it comes to killing people.. but that’s the shame on whole world.. this is the only part that I don’t agree with..
16) hehehe it’s Croatians fault that u have to wear that..
36) i would add accusing media that the child is behaving wrong.. im sick and tired of that.. i also saw movies with murders and cartoons which are now considered to be violent and i still didn’t get the idea that i could go and kill somebody cause i am bored and i don’t know what to do..
43) that is just happening in my country now.. people must have forget that WE as a NATION elected them.. so sad.. so frustrating to watch..
my add
48) stop pretending that everything bad what happens to us is because someone else fault.. we all make mistakes and we have to live with them..
49) doing something even if we know its wrong and it goes against our believes.. only thing we must do is die..
50) complaint again weather and pollution and doing absolutely nothing to stop pollution
Can you also make a survey for your friends where they are only allowed to answer positive things?
Modern interpretations of age-old traditions.
As Kafka once wrote, ‘He is a free and secure citizen of the world because he is on a chain…’
(N°66, The Zürau Aphorisms)
Working Monday-Friday from 8am to 5pm in a job that is boring and monotonous.
Working Monday-Friday from 9am to 8:00pm just because you have kids and a big house that eats away all your salary on bills.
Graduating from college at 22 and working for the next 45 years just because that will “assure you a good retirement”. Although you never actually know when you’ll loose most of your money because of the market conditions.
Becoming indifferent to the words Africa and War.
Thank you so much – for so long i’ve walked around questioning a lot of these so-called ideas of “normality” and i chaulked it up to “general malcontent” as i could not understand why others didn’t get it.
Thank you.
Mr Coelho, good survey there! I burst out laughing at 26…i do this alot and hadnt even realised! LOL…as for 1,4,5,9 and 10, you took the words right outta my mouth! its very frustrating!
32…hmmmnnn…i only eat when I’m hungry…sometimes, i dont eat for days simply cos I’m not hungry…BUT everyone (my parents especially) thinks I have a problem! I dont get it! Why eat if u aint hungry??? I dont take drugs to supress my appetite..my weight is very healthy…i’m naturally built to work on little food…but my mum thinks i shud eat 2 square meals so if i’m offered food in a dream, I wont be hungry enuff to accept as it is generally believed in Africa that blackwitches initiate new recruits by offering them food in dreams! If u ask me, i think its better to eat in dreams than to be hungry n looking for food in dreams!
Your final point sums up my life for the past 4 yrs…everyone thinks I’m going to hell cos I dont believe in religion…i have even lost friends cos i stopped going to church…funny thing is, the christian hell does not exist..its just what it is – an ideology! For me, heaven n hell r in the heart…heaven is bliss and hell is misery…FULLSTOP…most churchgoers r already in hell as it is misery that drives them to church every sunday! I on the other hand feel innately happy n satisfied and have formed my own version of spirituality which knows no boundaries…as I tell everyone my religion is LOVE!
Makhtub!:)
spot on…!!
Hi There,
What I wanted to say is that this list, I totally agree with it.
Its amazing that so much of it is around our life’s, that to some extend can be very annoying and discouraging.
I believe, to be different in this world, it takes a lot of courage and consistency, so I think is quite important to associate with people that are contributing to society in a very positive way, being compassionate for those less evolved.
Unconditional love and understanding, when lived everyday can give you an inspired kind of energy that can lead you to your mission and purpose in life….. I love anything to do with Self Development and I like how you name this blog page…..”Warrior of Light”…I like to think of my self as a warrior of light..
And thank you for your books…I like them very much.
Have a great day..
Paulo.
What a WOL considers normal behaviour: To be comforted by a daily dose of Paulo Coelhos blog.
I won’t give it up!
Summarized: We dungeon ourselves in a cage made of so called morals, social conventions and alleged values, a material mix of egoism and herd instict.
In italy we have an expression called “luogo comune”, common place, which points out a “conviction shared by the most of the people”, in the society you live in.
The “common places” are too many, too heavy nowadays and maybe they have always been: on the other side, just behind them you can find a significance and probably if you look at them trying to go further behind them, you may find the astonishing significance you could ever imagine. This can free you.
“Common places” are important as they are there to be understood, and contradicted.
Thank you, mr Cohelo, for this enlighted glance on everyday occidental life. We need it now so much.
the difficult balance between being oneself, one’s own expectations and the other’s, knowing oneself, rest and excitement, doubt and certitude, control and improvisation, pleasure and obligation, ‘freedom’ and vocation conditioning, etc… ?
It happens that our totality is shaped by the people around us and the environment we are living in. However, that’s just a part of our “self” because the other remaining percent will come from the state of mind.
There are times that there are misplaced way of thinking in situations. For example, in a party, most of the people are enjoying but there can also be some attendees who could not enjoy despite the festive mood. Why? Perhaps something could be bothering that person – whether he/she does not feel the company of people present there or he/she is not a party person. Why did I give such example? Speaking of parties, well, what comes in everybody’s mind is happy, exciting, fun, interaction with people, etc. How come? Because we are reared in the fact that parties should appear like those in the descriptions, and for the majority, it is labeled the “normal” thing. But do you consider the person in the example not normal? Well, I just justified that there could be several factors affecting a person’s mind and it depends upon the person’s decision what kind of thinking will he/she have for a certain situation. And having the ability to think is normal to humans.
“No one’s perfect”, but some people claim that there is a criteria to be able to achieve perfection and that’s what people should put into consideration. If you did so, you are “normal”. But how it is to be really perfect? Imagine, if all the people in the world will be the same, would it be just as if living in a monochrome world?
There’s nothing wrong to being true to yourself, even if it cost to being deviant, as long as you don’t step down other people and better if what you’re doing also help uplift others.
Being a conformist doesn’t define being in “normal” because we have our own standards as humans and what we think is appropriate and ideal for us is the “normal” thing. We just share something in common – like we also undergo stages of development, etc. But then, I’m 100% sure that we have our own various ways to be unique among the rest of the people in the world. You can never compare one to the other, even if let’s say, two people are born twins, they can still possess traits different from the other. Take note, we have different birthdays, birth time, birth town, parents, and many more “differents” which might eat out the whole space of this reply. So how can you say that a person is exactly matched to the other?
It’s “easy” to follow what is generally appreciated and acceptable in one society than to follow whatever you may consider to be your own path in life. We tend to pay too much attention in what other people think or believe about us, people that are dear to us or complete strangers, instead of understanding that what truly matters is what makes us happy. We need to respect others and the best way to try and do that, would be by respecting ourself! If I could understand my true wants and needs, I could understand those of others, to a certain degree at least or just understand the need that leads them to certain actions and behaviors and therefore would have no need to criticise them or need to be appreciated by them or even need an inventory of normality to define my goals and actions.
37- I don’t believe in people marrying for position. I hope to find what I am looking for one day.
39- You have to be aware first in order to do what you like. When you find out about it, you follow-it up and see where it is going to take you.