Although the word is a bit on the strong side, the truth is that all of us have known a creep in our lives (the dictionary defines the term as “an individual without any character, dignity or spirit”). He is the kind of person who tries to stand out more when we are adolescents, when we are fighting to affirm our identities, our dreams, our place in the world. We are filled with doubts about what to do, and all of a sudden here comes the creep: always the leader, the one who thinks he is the best-looking, the most intelligent, the most able to face the challenges that lie ahead.
To remain in this position, he attacks our self-esteem: he wants us to think we are ugly, dull, without any future, and that we should imitate him and his way of leading the guys on the block (or in the building, or the condominium). In the case of boys, normally he imposes himself by brute force or by his “smart” attitudes, as if he knew more than everybody else. In the case of girls, the creep is always the one who seems to attract the looks of all the guys, get invited to all the parties, always be the most elegant.
Creeps (both male and female) look at us with a certain air of superiority and try to dictate the rules of the group. We naturally feel intimidated at such conduct, unsure of what to do, and end up letting the creep guide us for some time. Although we do not know it, we are giving the creep the power that he neither has nor deserves, and this will be the only moment in his life that his ephemeral light will manage to shine. But that is all part of our apprenticeship, since that is the way we develop our defenses in the future.
And so we grow up. Little by little each of us makes his choices, the group of adolescents splits up, and the creep disappears, although we still preserve his image of beauty, wisdom, leadership, elegance, strength and superiority.
During this important rite of passage called adolescence, all of us have our fundamental values tested – except the creep. While we suffer from feeling neglected, insecure and fragile, he sails smoothly by: after all, he is our leader! He does not have to endure all those endless difficult hours the rest of us spend on rainy afternoons and lying awake at nights.
One fine day, when we are already adults, we think about getting together with our friends from adolescence. We organize a party, usually in a restaurant – where everyone shows up with their husbands and wives. Nothing better than to sit down at a good meal, with good wine, and remember a little the years that made us all that we are today.
The creep shows up – generally married like the rest of us. We are all interested in what has become of his/her life, there is still a certain fascination and awe about an attitude so full of self-confidence. Where did that person go whom we secretly envied and admired?
The first surprise is that the creep went nowhere. Or rather, he may have taken a couple of successful steps, but soon life proved implacable towards his arrogance – the adult world is quite different from the one we live in when we are young.
But the creep still has one refuge: his adolescent gang. And since he thinks that the world has not moved forward, he wants to relive his moments of glory. When dinner starts, it seems that we have all been transported back, but soon we realize that he was just an instrument to enable us to grow. After a couple of drinks, we see the creep at bay, trying to prove a strength that no longer exists, feeling that we still believe that he is the leader of us all.
We smile, exchange kind words with everyone, pay the bill and leave with the impression that the creep has made the wrong choice. We think: “everything in that person should have worked out right, and it didn’t”.
All of us have known a creep or two in our lives. And that’s just as well.
tags technorati : Technorati Paulo Coelho Paulo Coehlo Warrior of Light Warrior of the Light Newsletter
I think this is a very valuable story. I personally work with adoloscents and such a story can create comfort for both the people who have a ‘creep’ in their lives and the ‘creep’ itself. i will definetly find the right circumstance to tell this story to some of them. though i believe that a person still has to go through certain experiences to grow, some reflections never hurt!
thanks for letting me share my thoughts
peace to all
Hi,
I think the creep has it harder than the followers as he/she has set such high expextations of him/herself that he/she would live in an inner hell trying to be something he/she is not.
The creep is probably the most insecure and afraid. He/she would more than likely have a false sense of self, and find life alot more difficult than the followers as the followers are more than likely to accept that life is less than perfect and people are not perfect where the leader would generally have harsh judgements of people and nothing would be good enough.
Take care live your own life Shari.
To everyone,
Everyone of you make a good point, and all your points are worthwhile pondering over. I just wanted to share with you all, the old saying, “I learned the good from the bad, humility from the proud…etc…”
so everyone has their place in this life, and serves a good purpose in some way or other.
Love to all and God is love.
Aditya,
Thanks for bearing with me!
Just regarding the last part that you said beats you: The total universe is the same as (or mirrors) each of us, in a way. The sum of one individual life long journey might for example be considered to equal, say, minus 1 (perhaps despite – or rather thanks to – a lot of higly positive and negative elements along the way). By the same standards (which are obviously not true in themselves) another person’s journey might equal plus 2 and so on. But the total sum of all the “journeys” of the world, not only for humans but evolution in general, must always equal its origin. So in this way we are all positive or negative elements in this large equation.
Why the term absolute? Well, since everything came from nothing, that nothing had a potential for everything. Everything was “concentrated” in it as it were.
I shall shut up know. Thanks for this discussion.
Love to all. Love all.
aditya,
i think you have hit the nail on the head. you must strive for acceptance, and never for perfection. our faults create our talents.
besides if there was a perfect person on this earth, thn we may feel contempt for him. he would always be pointing out what we were doing wrong and how we should do it. life is to short to become perfection.
but we can say that if we make the world better, then that is enough.
i love reading there comics. Asterix and Obelix are great. but this does not depict the real story of druidism. first you hhave an element. fire, water, earth and air. it depends when you are born. we perform ceremonies also. since neo-druids do not agree with killing animals, we offered herbs and such to the gods.
but there are certain characteristics to different elements.
my element which is fire = they are the fighters, not a literal sense, but they fight for what is right, moral and good in this world.
water = caring and affectionate, they are doctors, doctors, again not in the literal sense, they can mend a broken soul.
air = they are wise, almost like shamans, they know how the body works, and know what to say and when
earth = the have the characteristics of a leader, strong, confident and charismatic.
HI AVC Thanks buddy, well as u said without apologies let me say ” the feeling is mutual, mate !!” ( I like the way the asutralians say it in our very Indian ads, mind you some ads are so damn damn, why some, lots of ads are so damn creative ).
I am still trying to fully gather what u all u have said, so please don’t blame me if u did sound complicated, and u were worried about oversimplification, I just pray i never see anything which u call complicated.
U said”The way I see it, the destination equals the sum of the journey”
well with these words u have said it, so the destination begin with the journey begins. The destination comes into existance with the beginning of the journey. And most who come to paulo’s site have begun their journey. or rather have become aware of the journey which was always there. good good. anyway let me gather my thoughts before I can say anything some places like these two below I am unable to comprehend. I will contemplate them.
” destination of absolute complexity, which actually must be the same as absolute simplicity.” why so much emphesis on ‘absolute’ ??? unless something is absloute it does not satisfy us, is that why we have called god teh absolute ?? ( my CPU is showing the hourglass figure )
“I arrived at the conclusion that the negative and positive aspects of the journey will add up to the sum of the destination. Consequently, I concluded that the absolute destination and the universe taken as a whole can be neither good nor bad.” good ! so first part is your conlcusion, i have nothing to do with that, u’r life, u’r experiences, u’r conclusions’ OK by me as a freind. but how that leads to the sentence following consequently,, beats me…
and ya
there is absolutely no must in meditation, not even silence. U can be talking and meditating simultaneously. It’s said that Buddha never spoke a word, though we all know the size, length & breadth of his teaching and he was fond of interacting thru discourses.
won’t it be a brillinat idea if Paulo created a video also of these issues, himself talking to us what is written, many things can be communicated much more precisely if words are accompanied by paulo’s expressions, but then maybe it’s asking for too much of his precious time.
aditya
Tom !
So am i right in gathering that I have to accept others as they are, the only can I get self accepatnce.
In that case I will have to accept the situation when I am not accvepted as part of a group, just as nicely as I accept the situations where I am treated as part of the group.
To me it appears that once we accept ourselves, what does that mean, accepting oneself, to me it means that I am a lily and paulo is a rose and you are a lotus and there is no need to compare. I have some shortcommings, not really shortcommings but say points of improvement, something anything that fancies me, and I cosntantly am a ‘warrior’ in bettering myself. Once I accept myself, as I am then i will find it easy to accept others too ain’t it. What we don’t like about others is not the others themselves but some traits which we feel is not right, which is a shortcomming, but then what the heck ! not everyone is perfect ? so it is.
i am happy to know that u converted and now u are happy. by the way what exactly does a druid do ? all I know is Asterix’s & Obelix’s druid, that lovable old chap.
aditya
Aditya,
Thank you – I very much enjoy reading what you write. You always have thoughtful comments and kind words to share.
You asked me whether I think that there is a difference between the journey and its destination. I will try to answer even if some will probably find this post too elaborate, boring and confusing; some will find it simplifying things all too far.
But no more apologies, here goes:
The way I see it, the destination equals the sum of the journey. I prefer to think of the journey as an elaboration (or formula) of a destination of absolute complexity, which actually must be the same as absolute simplicity.
For various reasons, I have freely chosen a very winding path – going from every single aspect to its opposite and back again, but each time hopefully on a higher arc.
Some time back, I arrived at the conclusion that the negative and positive aspects of the journey will add up to the sum of the destination. Consequently, I concluded that the absolute destination and the universe taken as a whole can be neither good nor bad.
To further complicate matters, I also concluded that the abovementioned sum must equal not only zero, but something even less than what we usually mean by zero.
However, I must admit that the notion of wrong and right still exist in my personal universe. My calculations do not, as of yet, point to zero.
Speaking in very general terms, I consider it desirable to bring the two perspectives on universe closer together in one’s daily life. But the path towards this will be different for each person, since we start from different positions (Of one’s personal destination, as one perceives it, I think one will do well to remain silent; I think this is the best way to conserve the much needed energy to reach it).
In the event that I should not manage to accomplish this extremely difficult task during my lifetime, I shall at least be happy that I tried. And who knows, perhaps the energy released at my death will even lead to a continuation of this work under other manifestations.
Of this I (my ego) can know nothing. All I know is that I will give it my best shot; I hope that I will be ready to sacrifice this ego when the critical moment comes.
All of this gives me a notion of meaning to my life. And that accounts for something!
aditya,
I believe that accepting ones self is sometimes a curse. some people, like the “creeps” try to find acceptance through the rong reasons. it is about power and status. there is a right and wrong for everything and i think this is the wrong way to find acceptance.
let me ask you this, have you ever been out with your friends, and having a conversation with them all, everyone has there own time to speak, everyone laughing, everyone is having a good time, and there is a feeling that everyone is equal. and you feel like you have truly been accepted. have you ever felt this ????
and now let me ask you this, have you ever been in a conversation and felt as if you were never really a part of it. like you were just pushed aside as everyone else laughed and had a good time. have you ever felt that ????
to accept ones self, you must first accept others, unlike “creeps” who try to force acceptance on others. acceptance is the complete opposite of this, it comes naturally. certain people you dont fit in woth, you may feel uncomfortable with. it is no ones fault, it is just that they are on a different wave length.
this is why meditation helps me. since buddhism is a godless religion, you must meditate to ask certain questions. why does this happen ??? why did i do that ???? and you may eventually find these answers and with them find acceptance. others may pray, but since we can not speak to a god we cannot pray, and so we meditate to ask the little part of the buddha that we all have in us, what to do next.
i will be happy to explain further if you want any more information on this. i was originally a druid, but i converted, less than a year ago now, i converted because i did not feel accepted in my former religion, but now i fell accepted. one more step to self acceptance.
thanks mirjam ! and even at the cost of being accused of forming a mutual admiration society, i will say that, i found your ‘take’ on the whole issue quite useful for me. i thought of quoting something specific that u said, but the whole import of reading what u said but was once again a reminder to the general directions in which a wol may proceed.
Let me add that, i find views of others also, like AVC, Tom, marie, serene, and rest as well, mostly, quite useful.
IN ALL RELEGIONS THERE HAVE BEEN SOME EMPHASIS ON RITUALS, SOME DAILY RITUALS. there is a significance to it, hope paulo explores it with his penetrative eyes and writes another novel on it, concepts are easy to unedrstand thru stories, no.
ALL WOLS WILL BENEFIT IMMESNSELY BY MAKING IT A DAILY RITUAL TO VISIT PAULO’S BLOG AND WRITE SOMETHING, i feel.
awaiting what avc feels about the q, tom; what paulo trains his gun on next ?
aditya
marie,
television is heroine for the eyes
Glad that wisdom is shared. I appreciate your comments, thanx.
Like I mentioned: it’s better to look in our own mirror and learn.
I did not exactly mean ‘help’. Wishing someone love and all the best, coming from the heart, does not necessarily mean active help. What is help?
When we learn to deal with our own misfortune, hurt, anger, frustration, whatever, we gain wisdom and we might understand where the other is coming from and learn the depths and different shades and colours of other living souls. We do share the same air, we all breath out and all breath in the same air.
So, we might come to a point at which there is no need to label each other, to divide ourselves and polarize.
I’m not saying that it’s easy or that we are holy. It’s more a standard of values. We can try. We can try to be an example and overcome our primal reactions, which I believe are very prominent in these times. And I do not think it leads to understanding and accepting.
So Creep is not really my melody, my song. No offense.
I love your story about Dharma, Aditya.
So we all have been creeps at some point of time, or to put it diffrently, others may have perceived as us creeps at some points of time. ( who knows I am being creepy here, on Paulo’s blog, having solutions for probelms of the world and all that )
let’s forgive all those who have behaved like creeps with us. in any case 90 % of those creeps may not even remember that they were being creeps; why carry a scar on our sould unnecessarily.
AVC
One doubt on what u said – are the destination and journey diffrent ! To me it appears that one can enjoy the ‘craziness’ of the journey only when one gets a glimpse of the peace.
Tom
thanks for responding,
u seem quite well versed with Buddha’s teachings. good. freind I feel only that which translates into a way of life, everday life, can be or rather should be called relegion, rest are fantasies. would u mind elaborating on ‘accepting’ oneself.
regards
[quote comment="10602"]No idea why we are discussing ‘creeps’ here.
Bit strange to read this message Creep, because to me it’s about judging others and name them. Black and white, us and them, as if we are all alike, as if there is one blueprint of how to be a good human being.
Isn’t it better to start and look in the mirror? Instead of feeling happy because another human being fails.
And when ‘creeps’ (who is a ‘creep’?) do hurt us, isn’t it our job to learn and isn’t it better to wish them all the best and love in the world, because obviously they need that the most?
I thought that ‘the good fight’ was all about that?
But maybe I’m a softy. And arrogant.
Love.[/quote]
So Marjim,
I was thinking somewhat like you! Hehehehe:D
I started to think of me and when the last time i was creep so i was somewhat hesitant about leaving a comment because i kept thinking “i sure can be a creep sometimes mostly when I drive
” So yesterday boy was i a creep! my satelite tv hasn’t been working for about 3 weeks and i keep talking to the help lady on the phone and for 3 weeks she keeps telling me to unplug the tv and plug it back and tell her what it does. So I became a little upset and blew up with her (remind you over tv!) and i told her look here LADY how many times do i have to unplug the tv and turn off and on? Please put your supervisor on the phone (there was more harsh words said i will not mention here) well about 2 hrs later her supervisor came on the phone and fixed the problem ( i now have satelite tv that i am not watching and it watched me yesterday) So I must say I was a true creep all for what????? TV. I did try to apologize to her and thank her for helping me but all in all did i have to be RUDE over television (when 85% of my time is on the internet?) Lesson learned.
Well, just wanted to share that I guess we all can be little creeps every now and then.
peace and peace
marie
aditya,
the dharma wheel is what this story speaks of, otherwise known as the noble eight fold path. it guides you through your life, and gives you eight principles from which you may make your life better and others lives better. buddhism is not just a religion, it is a way of life like many religions.
I think this story is of acceptance. the monk accepts that the scorpion shall act in this manor and yet he accepts that it is his duty to act in his way. his dharma.
i think that people should accept there own personalities before accepting others. i makes your mind more open. and like a great saying “minds are like parachutes, they only work when they are open!”
I believe that it is possible to combine these two perspectives, if only as an endpoint to our own personal journey.
There will be times when we will feel mistreated and I do not think that it is uncommon for people to derive some motivation from a subsequent desire for rehabilitation or even revenge. Quite often, it is probably hidden deep below the surface.
But at least in hindsight, you will agree that we often realize that the “mistreatment” was actually the trigger for some inevitable change in our lives.
In nature, nothing is useless.
What if we learned to better temper these our personal driving forces with the insight that everything is subject to the laws of nature, including our reactions and feelings? Perhaps we could then avoid being so consumed by these forces all the time, and perhaps be a little less frustrated with respect to the failed realization of our perceived true potential.
Those who would have fully acquired this skill, would see that all of this is an illusion. They would only Will that which must happen. And they would Love all.
But they would also have passed the abyss, never to return.
So, as I think that Mr Coelho and others have pointed out so many times (albeit in other words perhaps): it is entirely ok to long for the peace of the destination, but one should not forget to enjoy the wild craziness of the journey for as long as it lasts!
“and you say that we should help the “creep” because they need it the most, but a “creep” would think that they wouldnt need anyone elses help, they think that they can take on life by themselves.”
Let me share a short story with you chaps, a story which has remained with me since when I know not. Versions of it all may have read/ heard.
On the banks of river ganges, in the holy city of Kashi, a monk was taking bath and offering the water to gods or whoever. Both the hands are brought togather, forming a cup, some wtare picked up and then put back in the same river, with some feelings / chanting. Suddenly a scorpion which was drawning got saved by finding its way to the cup of palms. The sage started walking towarsd the bank with scorpion in his palms so that the scorpion can be saved. Scorpions ( creepy creatures that they r ) sting; this one wa no diffrent, it’s vicious sting shook the hands of the sage and the scorpion fell back in the river. Sage picked it up again and again & again ! A smart fellow who was watching this said to the sage, why cann’t u just let this thing go and drown in the river. Sage replied “it’s the ‘dharma’ of scorpion to sting and as human my dharma is to help those in need, when a scorpion is maintaining it’s dharma, as human I too should.
Point is that creeps will be creeps, labelling others is not desirable ! this post from Paulo baffles me. but then maybe I will underatnd ..
Mirjam,
I can see were you are coming from. you may think that this entry is labeling people with a cetain sense of personality. but that is the point, a creep can be black or white, can speak english or japanese can be christian or islamic. It is there personality (or lack of it as the case may be) that is the problem. there is not just one blueprint for good, but there is not just one blueprint for bad either.
and you say that we should help the “creep” because they need it the most, but a “creep” would think that they wouldnt need anyone elses help, they think that they can take on life by themselves. and did not paulo say that the people in the story were sympathetic towards the “creep”
you may think that this entry is a bit stereo type, but i think that this blog is about the things that seem bad at the time, but only time tells why they were needed. like the “creep” being an instrument of our growth, trust in time my fellow human being, trust in time.
@tom:thanks..i will remember that
No idea why we are discussing ‘creeps’ here.
Bit strange to read this message Creep, because to me it’s about judging others and name them. Black and white, us and them, as if we are all alike, as if there is one blueprint of how to be a good human being.
Isn’t it better to start and look in the mirror? Instead of feeling happy because another human being fails.
And when ‘creeps’ (who is a ‘creep’?) do hurt us, isn’t it our job to learn and isn’t it better to wish them all the best and love in the world, because obviously they need that the most?
I thought that ‘the good fight’ was all about that?
But maybe I’m a softy. And arrogant.
Love.
[quote comment="10517"]well, i was thinking when i read this, was i a creep myself?
hmm… i like wasnt a natural leader.. and never the head of gangs.. but i used to be independent and indiidualistic that I used to stand out everywhere… plus, well, Im kinda arrogant and proud.. a lil too proud, i feel…
and i live in the dread that 10 yrs later, when real life exposes all of us, interms of family, achievements and careers, I will be caught having done nothing usefull for myself…[/quote]
Abraham,
the very question in this question defeats itself. if you were a “creep” then you would not worry about being to proud or arrogant, you would act like this because you truly believed that you werent. so, in worrying that your arrogant or proud, you prove that you want to improve yourself when a “creep” may think he is perfect. i am often proud and arrogant sometimes and i definately stand out, not just by appearance but by the way i act (odd habits and philosophies, that sort) but my friends tell me that i am arrogant sometimes and i tell them of there faults, and we laugh. we laugh because we accept ourselves as the people that we are, faults and all. that is truly friendship.
the “creep” I knew became a policewoman so she could continue being arrogant… :-/
never met one till recently
was a Prize i think? kinda cool
my “Creeps” were the dirty fellas, & also the ones who like to TaunT till starry nights fade into day. WHAT inspired u to write this post, i wonder, and if what u write these days are indeed INspired or merely routine.
HMMmm
To me, Abraham just proved the point that nothing is useless. The path is open to anyone at any time.
The path of each individual is different, but I think we should be very careful in judging others as “creeps” or anything else for that matter. In the long run, who is to say that one person’s path was any better or worse than another’s?
Besides, no “creep” would do any harm if it were not for the way that other people chooses to interact (or choose not to interact) with him or her.
We are all weak at some stage or another in our lives.
why r we disuccuing creeps here ?
kind of getting back at them after ‘all these years’
well, i was thinking when i read this, was i a creep myself?
hmm… i like wasnt a natural leader.. and never the head of gangs.. but i used to be independent and indiidualistic that I used to stand out everywhere… plus, well, Im kinda arrogant and proud.. a lil too proud, i feel…
and i live in the dread that 10 yrs later, when real life exposes all of us, interms of family, achievements and careers, I will be caught having done nothing usefull for myself…
leadership can go nowhere without friendship and i have seen this.
i knew this “creep”, I will not name him. when i first met him, he gained my trust by luring me in, just like he did with the rest of my friends. then he assumed leadership. he used to have sort of mood swings. one minute, he was your best friend. i began to open my eyes and was the first to realise, or at least speak out about him. in these mad arguments we had, two sides would emerge, half of my friends would go off with this “creep” and the other half with yours truly. The difference was, i said to all of my friends that they did not have to pick sides when this “creep” insisted upon all of us that we did. we slowly opened our eyes and now this person no longer exists in our lives.
vishesh,
i used to know another “creep” also, it seems like a similar situation. he is physically superior and so violence will get you nothing but a black eye. he is not stupid and yet he isnt exactly smart but every time you try to engage this person in a mental argument he turns it into a physical one. that is because it is his strong point. so i waited by the side lines, as he began to assume control. but you have to understand, be patient, i know what its like to not have abyone on your flank. you must understand that people like this destroy themselves. and so as he tossed people aside to crawl his way to the top, the people who got in his way stood by the side lines with me. then he got to the top and realised that he had tossed everyone who was below him aside. and so he had destroyed the reason why he wanted to be at the top. i was happy, reunited with my old friends and he was left with nothing.
remember its hard not to become a monster when you are trying to defeat one, do not let them get inside your head !!!!
thankyou paulo, this is a subject that i can really talk to others about. my regards.
To each of us who were wounded as young people by creeps in a variety of ways be it parents, schoolmates, etc. the way out is to keep a sweet rememberance of that burning ember of goodness within each of us, even the creeps. By learning to value the nature and strength of the the perrenial plants of the icy prairie that I grew up on, verses the beautiful for a moment hot house flower that is not equiped for the ways of the world it lives in, how can we not value our even sorrowful “groundedness”? If we try to find meaning in our life lessons, we remove the energy and power we have given to the creeps.
HMMmm;
There may be a language/culture or age differential here….when I was young, the Creep was the spineless, brainy dude, who couldn’t stand up for himself, and used false flattery to gain his means.
I was trying to think of whom would fit the description you write here…and couldn’t come up with a generalized name.
Interesting observations though and yes, we’ve all met one or two.
ha sir…what do you do with such people?? well rebelling against them isn’t the option as i found out..sice you become the black sheep…but it does have nice things(rebellion)..like having your time..but it hurts when you don’t have anyone to talk to….so whats the best way??only one…remain yourself and try and see the light in others…