Paulo Coelho

Stories & Reflections

Childhood abuse

Author: Paulo Coelho

I was approving the comments in this blog today, and I stumbled upon a post by Sibichen K Mathew
In the middle of the post there is a letter. I know what the lady is talking about, as I know that many women – someone mention one in every three – has been abused.
I will reproduce part of the letter here (too long for this blog), but I strongly encourage you to read the post if you ever had this barbaric experience.
Please skip Sibi’s kind comments about Aleph (the may character, Hilal, has been abused also) and go directly to the letter in the middle of it:

Dear Sibi,

I had told you about my childhood abuse by a family member.
As far as I can remember, I was angelic, calm, quiet, and innocent as a little girl. Moreover, highly intelligent too. I stayed at home till I was 7 and then cried to go to a boarding school,(may be to escape from my abuser) I never used to talk and so never had friends, never needed one. Though I am not from a prayerful family, somewhere along the way, a person called God became real in my life. He became my everything in my secret world, and I used to predict many things out of instinct, which was, to a little girl, told by Him. The more such things happened, I became happy with His companionship. I stood first in class, without much efforts, I didn’t feel proud of that first rank either. Nothing mattered at all.

But later on, I knew that someone did something WRONG to me and I was so sad about that. I started feeling bad, deceived. Gradually I became alone, I left my companion, I never spoke nor prayed to Him personally for many many years.
I thought I was used as I was so innocent and ignorant. So I wanted to help and protect myself. I became my god and guardian. I thought I was doing me a big favour. But it resulted in losing my innocence, my character, behaviour, all that was originally created. My world collapsed and went out of my control and I realised about ten years back, what the problem was.
It took many years’ struggle to deal with the abuse, as an adult. First I had to confront him, which was easier than forgiving him. I had to forgive him, as I wanted to get rid of the feeling of his touch which I could feel even after years. I finally looked into his eyes with God’s power of forgiveness and shook hands with him and made peace. Then came the most difficult part, to forgive myself. Years and years of efforts didn’t make it possible, till God did it His way.

When I thought my life is going to start again, there came the worst shock of my life. I identified a small little girl, inside me.The original me. She was there, around three years old, asking me to let her free. After years I understood that I was the girl who needed to be adopted.

to read the full letter, please CLICK HERE

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